For some reason just the mention of this word brings some pretty intense emotions for a lot of people. In my mind it is one of the key words, if not the key word, in the Christian faith. But even for those outside the faith, this word is crucial, I mean CRUCIAL, in being able to have and maintain healthy relationships. I'm going to share some pretty personal stuff and the only reason I'm doing it is because I think we all are going to need to dig pretty deep here. I'm not your counselor, your sponsor or, in most cases, your parent. But I am going to ask some tough things of you; I'm going to ask that you dig out a lot of nasty stuff that is shoved back in your emotional/spiritual closet. Do you ever wonder if you'll ever 'figure it out' and 'quit hurting yourself or others'? Does it seem like we are constantly needing forgiveness Over and Over again? Watch this and think about where you are when it comes to forgiveness. (music by King's X)
Before I get into some personal stuff, let's lay out some key verses of scripture to ponder: (all from The Message)
Psalm 130:3-4
If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance? As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit, and that's why you're worshiped.
Matthew 6:14-15
"In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part.
Matthew 18:21-22
[ A Story About Forgiveness ] At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?" 22Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven. (for this message let's just say 'over and over again')
From CS Lewis: To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.
Everyone says 'forgiveness is a lovely idea' until they have something to forgive.
Boy have I had to forgive some things and even more so, have I had to be forgiven. My angel of a wife Konnie can attest to the fact that I love to blow off steam, spew my rants, lay waste to every thing in my path and then come back with the puppy-eyed look and say, 'uh, I'm sorry'. (and that's just when we run out of bacon) I'm sure she tires of it; I know I'd tire of it. But there she is time and time again forgiving me. I'm not sure she understands how much that means to me, but I do know this, it is the glue that keeps us together. Forgiveness is the glue that keeps us as people together. It's what God expects and what He freely offers.
Some of you may not know that I was married before, from 1991-1994 We were young, 'in love' and fresh out of Bridal College (Barclay College for those of you not from here). As much of a basket case as I am now, I was worse then. Neither of us were ready for the stresses involved in being married and we coupled that with being in the ministry.So we were young, immature, broke and lonely. To spare you the long details of a relationship gone wrong, we left Ark City Friends in late '93 and eventually divorced in the spring of '94. It was hard on both of us and enough blame to go around.
Now my ex-wife took a lot of the heat for that breakup. Some of you will know the story as I've shared some of this before. But let's be clear: I was a lousy, selfish, self-absorbed, foul-mouthed husband. Period. As the years went on, I really felt I needed to make some peace with her; for I had no peace in me about what had happened. We were able to see each other, back a few years ago and I did something I should have done long ago-- I owned up to my failures and asked forgiveness. Nowadays she and I are pretty good friends. She is a loving wife and mother of 3 beautiful kids.
There are steps to forgiving others and forgiving yourself. Yes, forgiving YOURSELF. I know that many of you reading this have a lot of garbage piled up. It might be addiction to drugs, porn, money, greed, pride, anger, abuse, self-abuse... the list could go on for days. We all have SOMETHING. There's something in you that causes you to look away when in front of a mirror. There's something going on that causes you to be unable to look someone you've wronged in the eye... there's always something. It's time to *Forgive*Accept and *Love.
Many of you may also know that my family, the one I grew up in, has had our share of 'issues' and hard times. My sister Lisa has battled. She has battled addictions, her parents, her kids, God and most of all herself. I love my sister. But honestly, in recent years I have walked away from her. Tired of the drama and the problems, I simply said, 'I don't want to be around this or even know about it.' I've hurt her and I know it.
Recently, Lisa called me and she was very upset; to the point of tears. She is presently in a program that is helping her put her life on the right path and she has also taken very positive steps toget on a better path by finding a Church she loves and people that will love her back. But on this day she was faced with another of life's dramas and another moment where she was possibly going to have to face the reality of not being able to control some negative outcomes... including not being in her middle daughter's life for a while. As I listened to her talk, and cry, I just sat silent not knowing what to say or how to comfort her. So many things from the past were coming up and I didn't know what I should do... so I ended the call and gave it a minute and then called her back. It was time to say I'm sorry. It was to time to forgive, accept and move on in love.
What I encourage Lisa to do is something I have to do and something you HAVE to do. Whatever things are out there, lurking behind you, mocking you, taunting you, hurting you it's time to forgive, accept and move on in love. Perhaps you are the one that has been wronged; the one that's been hurt; the one that's been abused; the one that's been betrayed; the one that has been left bleeding... it may be time to forgive, even though it hasn't been requested or even owned up to by the other person; time to accept your place or your roll in whatever happened and vow to move on in love. There may even be a situation where you simply have to make the first move. You walk up to this person and say, 'please forgive me; I accept what happened and I promise to move on in love from now on.'
Those of you that have made a habit of self-loathing will possibly have a more difficult task: you are going to have to forgive yourself.
The scene I picture when thinking about this, looks like this: you make the move. It's painful, it's humbling, it's terrifying but you have to make it. You look the person in the eye (or yourself) and say, 'I'm sorry, please forgive me'. Now we often hear that we need to 'let it go'. Well, at some point yes, but not at this point. At this point you say, 'I accept this'. By doing this you look straight on at whatever this nastiness is and you say,'we will have no more to do with each other. I'm tired of the hurt, I'm tired of the pain. You are not welcome here any longer. I will give you to another.' At that moment, you look to Jesus. 'Lord, can you.....' and before you can even finish your request, He smiles and says, 'I got this' and takes this burden from you. In fact, this happens enough that all the burdens He lifts from us take the shape of a cross.He carries it. He is nailed to it. He bleeds on it. He cries on it. He dies on it. For you. He doesn't hate you; he doesn't resent you... He loves you and He forgives you. He conquers death, rises again and simply asks for your love, your faith and for you to forgive others. Can you do it?
Pray this: "Lord, forgive me. I accept where I am and what I've done. From this moment, we move on in Love." When it comes to breaking before God and asking him to forgive us, I go to one song, one hymn.I'm not sure there's ever been a time that I've heard this that I didn't 'break' just a little. (Music by Jars of Clay)
