Trust and Obey

(Written while Konnie's dad, Frank, lived with us from 2001-2004)

For 3 years (or more) Konnie and I have been helping her dad. He has Alzheimer's and without typing out a 4 page email detailing all the highs and lows of the situation, let's just say that right now it's very, very bad. One month ago we began the process of trying to get Frank, her dad, situated in a Nursing Home in Dodge City. The DAY BEFORE he was to be admitted we received a call from them saying, 'sorry, he's too severe for us'. Nice. He's not too severe for us, but he is for a professional facility. Frank had been slowly declining for the last 3 years, but from the end of June to now, he fell off the cliff. There are 9 stages to this disease and he is in or near the last one: no memory of Konnie or Karen, paranoia, hallucinations... he described it as not knowing whether or not he is sleeping or dreaming. For several days he would follow us around and whisper that 'we all need to get out of here... we're going to die'. He felt people from the past were coming after us and that there were other people living in the house. The point I which I said 'no more' was when the threats starting coming from him in the words of 'well maybe I'll kill all of us'. Scary stuff, considering we have 2 small boys. .

I'm not trying to paint a horror picture here, but just to say that things are stressful and a bit tense now that Frank is back in the house. This whole experience hasn't been about money (as was the Pratt rumor for the first year) or that we love living in Pratt. It has been about helping Frank. Other than a roof over his head and supervision, he's beyond our help. We have also been trying to sell our houses here and consider the possibility of moving closer to where I work, Wichita. That has it's own stresses as well.

I'm convinced that this disease is evil.... the devils last chance to bring back all our fears and pains from the past and taunt us with it; taking away all the good memories from a good life. He's that sort of Evil that would do such a thing. But one of the most touching moments I've had with Frank was the last time we took him to Haviland Friends. It was just prior to this 'falling off the cliff' week. We were singing hymns and Frank was lost and wasn't sure what we were doing. I would hold up the Hymnal but he no longer reads and didn't know what to do or say. Then we starting singing 'Trust and Obey'.... Frank wasn't sure of the verses and looked a bit frazzled. But when we got to the chorus, without missing a beat, he starting singing as if he was wanting to make a statement:

'Trust and Obey. For there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, than to trust and obey.'

It shook me. No matter what cruelties his mind was enforcing on him, no matter the confusion, the loss, no matter the rough days that lay ahead a seed from the past was still in place. The seed of that song that he had probably been singing for years was still there in his mind, but more importantly in his heart. NO MATTER what comes from this horrible storm, we will and we must 'Trust and Obey'. There comes that point for all of us. If we haven't faced it yet, we will. When sense cannot be made from what is happening, when God himself cannot be heard because of the confusion, we will still Trust Him. I hope I have learned much from this man who has forgotten almost everything. If not, then it is I that is truly in need of help. We aren't asking for a miracle cure, we are just hoping that those small seeds that are still there stay there and bring Frank whatever comfort possible.

Geoff