I'm sure that those who know how old I am would question me on why I consider myself 'middle aged'. I'm 'only' 37 years old, can still grow hair, not necessarily on my head--I still have most of my teeth and I know the words to several 'Nickleback' songs. If you don't know who Nickleback is, then maybe you are old. Just kidding. But for those that 'really' know me, know that if I can make it to 74, then I'm doing well. There are several reasons why saying that I'm middle-aged at 37 might be too optimistic for me.
First of all I free base brown gravy with more dedication than your best Heroin addict. I'm best friends with anyone that cooks big, thick slices of well fried bacon. I tend to be about an 8.5 on the 10.0 stress scale... ok, I'm a 9. I like vegetables... that are cooked with a vat of butter and topped off with the aforementioned bacon. I also drive a diesel so the environmentalists will tell me that cancer is inevitable. I talk a lot on my cell phone which will surely lead to brain cancer, or driving off a bridge because I'm distracted. I work for the railroad which is one of the most dangerous jobs when it comes to getting injured or killed. And finally, I live in an era where Brittany Spears, Hillary Duff and Paris Hilton have all made millions in the music industry. I should die on principle alone if nothing else.
The point is, I'm just feeling 'different'. I feel very out of place in our world right now. The music I love isn't even recognized by 'young people'. The athletes I grew up loving are old men.... well, they're middle-aged anyway. I still think Cheers is a great show. If I had my way all Play Stations would be destroyed and kids would have to get ball bats, go outside and hit rocks. Yes, my kids have a play station... I didn't say I wasn't a hypocrite.
It's not just external things that have made me feel like something's off. My insides are struggling with some pretty basic, but serious, middle aged questions. When it comes to 'what I do', I am feeling that maybe I'm at a point where there is no more room for growth. I make a pretty good salary and for the job I work there isn't any opportunity of making more other than our yearly $1 a day raise. I often feel like, 'so this is it? This is what I went to college for four years for? This is where all my childhood dreams have found me? This is where I get to make my mark on the world? Bummer.
Everyone that knows me knows I love my wife. She's far better than I deserve and anyone with more sense than your average opossum would know it. But something there even feels 'off'. Konnie and I have talked at length about this so all you chatty Kathys that want to rumor and worry about us should get over yourselves; we're fine. :-) I think every young man thinks of marriage at some point. Ok, some think of 'civil unions' but that's a whole other blog. What is it that every guy wants in a wife? Well, someone that's thoughtful is a plus. A gal that can put several words together and form a sentence that doesn't always end with 'ya know?' A woman that has a gift of cooking is always a benefit, though saying that sounds like I'm saying 'a woman that's always in the kitchen' and that's not what I'm saying. She doesn't have to stay there all day of course. ;-) For those that dream of children we hope for a great mom to the heirs of our fortune. My kids were blessed with a mom that can read. My youngest Kenyon wanted a book read to him one night and Konnie said, 'see if Daddy will read it to you'. Kenyon, with all seriousness, said with a tone of pity, 'Mom, Daddy can't read'. So, reading is apparently a good thing.
A God fearing woman is a great thing. Check out Proverbs for more excellent features to be found in a great woman; there's also some words of caution too.
But at the end of the day I think all guys really think about when they are young is something so simple is seems that it would guarantee success in finding a mate. While all those 'other' attributes are a great thing in a wife, the thing we really wanted is..... say it with me.... our very own 'Naked Person'. Yes, we are that simple and we are that primal. Face it, if I wanted conversations that were about things I was interested in (not that I'm not interested when we talk honey), watching games with someone or listening to the latest solo by Joe Satriani, I would have never quit being Seth Roe's roommate. I would live in a college dorm room for the rest of my life. But there is something about how God made us and how God made girls that made us go, 'whoa!' There's something about the beauty of a woman that trumps any basketball or football game. There is something so hypnotizing about the look of an 'interested woman' that makes us speak in unintelligible languages, trip over obvious furniture, watch 'Sleepless in Seattle' and actually dare to say, 'That Oprah, she's something else huh?'. It's all because we were alone and God gave us Eve.
Don't mistake me or my words. I'm not trying to make all men out to be pigs and all women out to be merely objects of desire. I'm just saying that when we first jumped on this boat called 'relationships and dating' we had an idea of where the destination was going to be. We started off thinking warm, fluffy thoughts and about 5-10 years into it we start going, 'so, this is it?'. Again, It says nothing of how great our wives really are; for they are truly wonderful creations of God. Beautifully wrapped miracles they are indeed. It simply says how 'off' our nature is in accordance with God's plan. It also says that nothing, not even our very own naked person, can fill that God shaped void in our souls.
I read recently how there are now more single people in the US than there are married people. Of course you know that 50% of all marriages end in divorce and that a whopping 60% experience one or the other (husband or wife) having an affair. The stats are also overwhelming that it's the husband that will cheat. Sure, I can sit here and scoff and arrogantly say that , 'I will never cheat on my wife', (she always tells me that a) I could never tell her and b) that she gets half), but I have to look at the stats and at least 'pay attention' to warning signs. I find myself getting annoyed with many 'little things' in my marriage. Things that just don't matter. I find that I will investigate the house and find something to complain to Konnie about. I find that when we don't have sex I take it as she is no longer interested in me and that it's just not worth ever asking for it again. DRAMA QUEEN! I find that I think my friends probably don't have to 'endure' such unbearable hardships like I do. Turns out, we all do. It's not because we have bad wives. Again, something's not right in the soul. True, we probably would like more romance. We probably would like to be told that we look hot in that outfit. We probably would like to be held more but.... Hang on, I need to check if I'm actually a man after writing all that.
I've said all that just to say this: Marriage is a lot of freaking work. It takes things I don't have much of; patience, kindness, understanding and an appetite for vegetables. If it was just simply about having my own 'naked person', things would be much easier. But I'm often reminded of a CS Lewis quote: 'Everything worth having is hard.' Relationships aren't easy. Going through a mid life crisis isn't easy. Trying to find your place half way though this life, isn't easy. Growing in your faith, isn't easy. But you know what's really hard? Living WITH ME!
God bless that woman!
Monday, October 16, 2006
Monday, October 09, 2006
Defeating Self and Addiction
As many of you know I am reading a ton of stuff by the Scottish writer, George MacDonald. MacDonald wrote most of his stuff from the mid to late 1800's. His writings were so cutting edge that he was basically run out of the ministry because he went against 'traditional doctrine'. The man was/is revolutionary in his thinking and his theology. His novels, fairy tales and sermons are an amazing read. Most of what I'm reading are the edited versions of his writings by the author Michael Phillips. MacDonald's original writings are more than most people can handle in tone and language.
Recently I've been reading MacDonald's thoughts on the self and the will. He talks about how these two things must be separated not just simply so they can't speak with one another, but they need to be in different universes all together. In talking about the self and what it's motives are towards us, I think he hits on something that can help every addict I've ever known. I have addictions and I have family members whose lives have been controlled and in some ways, ruined by addictions of various kinds. I do believe that many struggles are chemical and that it takes quiet a long process to recover from these dependencies. I also believe very strongly that if you don't enlist the help of God, whatever you may 'overcome', you really never will 'overcome' the real problem: self.
What does our self and our will do with one another that leads so many of us in making poor choices; choices like drink, drugs, pornography, violence, etc? Philips, in response to MacDonald's writings on the matter says, 'the self is the seat of our wants and desires, our fleshly and soulish inclinations. The will is the seat of our decision-making power, that place within us where choices are made..... for most the moment the desire is felt, the decision is made. I want, therefore I will. The self and will, functioning in complete harness and unity, act as a single expression of personhood.' Did you follow that? Basically we allow our 'self' to say that it 'wants' something. Then, without hesitation or consultation, the will says, 'I will have it'. The goal isn't to listen to the self and then have the will make better choices. No, the goal is to throw the self out on it's ears and have no more to say about anything. Philips says this, 'But if we hope to live as children of God, MacDonald says this equation must be recomputed. Decisions are no more to have anything to do with what the self wants or does not want.... The two do not see each other. They do not speak to one another. They exert no influence over the other. The planets (of self and will) have been gravitationally disconnected.'
Self denial isn't going to quit existing.... it's not going to quit saying 'I want'. Most people, MacDonald says, are under the false assumption that to die to sin is simply to give a bunch of stuff up. MacDonald says that now the 'I will' functions out of a different seat. The self is no longer allowed to have any voice or vote with the will and that a new equation comes about. Instead of 'I want, therefore I will' the self is now allowed to only say 'I want, therefore nothing'. The will then takes up the equation of 'He wants, therefore, I will'. Obviously the self is no longer pleased with it's demotion and a fight will take place. You know this fight don't you? I sure do. The fighting of the self to have it's way over your will is, at times, overwhelming and seemingly a battle that can't be won. I don't care if it's diet, alcohol, drugs, porn, sex, stealing, lying.... whatever the sin or vice may be, it will not die quietly. Philips says, 'All it's life it has controlled the will. Now to be told that its influence is over, dead, past---verily will it fight back! And so we too must meet the challenge boldly and head on, confronting its whimpers and arguments and lies with fortitude and determination. The equation for ruling self becomes: I want therefore..... QUIET! Away with you! You have no more say here!"
MacDonald writes to the self something that I think everyone fighting any addiction or simply fighting the battle of 'you over God' needs to read, perhaps daily. It truly puts self in it's place:
"Self, I do not have to consult you, but him whose idea is the soul of you, and of which as yet you are all unworthy. I have to do, not with you, but with the source of you, by whom it is that any moment you exist. He is the causing of you, not the caused you. You may be my consciousness, but you are not my being. If you were, what a poor, miserable, dingy, weak wretch I should be! But my life is hid with Christ in God, whence it came and whither it is returning. You will return with me, certainly, but as an obedient servant, not a master.
Submit, or I will cast you from me and pray to have another consciousness given me. For God is more to me than my consciousness of myself. Here is my life, you are only so much of it as my poor half-made being can grasp--as much of it as I can know at once. Because I have fooled and spoiled you, treated you as if you were indeed my own self, you have dwindled yourself and have lessened me till I am ashamed of myself. If I were to heed what you say, I should soon be sick of you. Even now I am more and more disgusted with your paltry, mean face, which I meet at every turn. No! let me have the company of the Perfect One, not of you! He is my elder brother, the Living One! I will not make a friend of the mere shadow of my own being!
Good-bye, Self! I deny you, and will do my best every day to leave you behind me."
What a journey this may be for me. I'm only 2 days (Oct 9th) into it and it's already a huge battle. My self is big, fat and used to getting his way. He wants to say certain things and do certain things. Will I really be able to change? (whatever that means) I have to hope so. This isn't about giving up this or giving up that. It's about a different mindset entirely. I want to love people. I want to see people as Christ sees them. I'm one of the most judgmental people you could ever know. I'm really not nice to people that aren't like me. My Self thinks he's the king.... he's angry to be told that not only is he lowly, but he must be placed on the alter and sacrificed completely.
DING! DING!
Let the fight begin.
Recently I've been reading MacDonald's thoughts on the self and the will. He talks about how these two things must be separated not just simply so they can't speak with one another, but they need to be in different universes all together. In talking about the self and what it's motives are towards us, I think he hits on something that can help every addict I've ever known. I have addictions and I have family members whose lives have been controlled and in some ways, ruined by addictions of various kinds. I do believe that many struggles are chemical and that it takes quiet a long process to recover from these dependencies. I also believe very strongly that if you don't enlist the help of God, whatever you may 'overcome', you really never will 'overcome' the real problem: self.
What does our self and our will do with one another that leads so many of us in making poor choices; choices like drink, drugs, pornography, violence, etc? Philips, in response to MacDonald's writings on the matter says, 'the self is the seat of our wants and desires, our fleshly and soulish inclinations. The will is the seat of our decision-making power, that place within us where choices are made..... for most the moment the desire is felt, the decision is made. I want, therefore I will. The self and will, functioning in complete harness and unity, act as a single expression of personhood.' Did you follow that? Basically we allow our 'self' to say that it 'wants' something. Then, without hesitation or consultation, the will says, 'I will have it'. The goal isn't to listen to the self and then have the will make better choices. No, the goal is to throw the self out on it's ears and have no more to say about anything. Philips says this, 'But if we hope to live as children of God, MacDonald says this equation must be recomputed. Decisions are no more to have anything to do with what the self wants or does not want.... The two do not see each other. They do not speak to one another. They exert no influence over the other. The planets (of self and will) have been gravitationally disconnected.'
Self denial isn't going to quit existing.... it's not going to quit saying 'I want'. Most people, MacDonald says, are under the false assumption that to die to sin is simply to give a bunch of stuff up. MacDonald says that now the 'I will' functions out of a different seat. The self is no longer allowed to have any voice or vote with the will and that a new equation comes about. Instead of 'I want, therefore I will' the self is now allowed to only say 'I want, therefore nothing'. The will then takes up the equation of 'He wants, therefore, I will'. Obviously the self is no longer pleased with it's demotion and a fight will take place. You know this fight don't you? I sure do. The fighting of the self to have it's way over your will is, at times, overwhelming and seemingly a battle that can't be won. I don't care if it's diet, alcohol, drugs, porn, sex, stealing, lying.... whatever the sin or vice may be, it will not die quietly. Philips says, 'All it's life it has controlled the will. Now to be told that its influence is over, dead, past---verily will it fight back! And so we too must meet the challenge boldly and head on, confronting its whimpers and arguments and lies with fortitude and determination. The equation for ruling self becomes: I want therefore..... QUIET! Away with you! You have no more say here!"
MacDonald writes to the self something that I think everyone fighting any addiction or simply fighting the battle of 'you over God' needs to read, perhaps daily. It truly puts self in it's place:
"Self, I do not have to consult you, but him whose idea is the soul of you, and of which as yet you are all unworthy. I have to do, not with you, but with the source of you, by whom it is that any moment you exist. He is the causing of you, not the caused you. You may be my consciousness, but you are not my being. If you were, what a poor, miserable, dingy, weak wretch I should be! But my life is hid with Christ in God, whence it came and whither it is returning. You will return with me, certainly, but as an obedient servant, not a master.
Submit, or I will cast you from me and pray to have another consciousness given me. For God is more to me than my consciousness of myself. Here is my life, you are only so much of it as my poor half-made being can grasp--as much of it as I can know at once. Because I have fooled and spoiled you, treated you as if you were indeed my own self, you have dwindled yourself and have lessened me till I am ashamed of myself. If I were to heed what you say, I should soon be sick of you. Even now I am more and more disgusted with your paltry, mean face, which I meet at every turn. No! let me have the company of the Perfect One, not of you! He is my elder brother, the Living One! I will not make a friend of the mere shadow of my own being!
Good-bye, Self! I deny you, and will do my best every day to leave you behind me."
What a journey this may be for me. I'm only 2 days (Oct 9th) into it and it's already a huge battle. My self is big, fat and used to getting his way. He wants to say certain things and do certain things. Will I really be able to change? (whatever that means) I have to hope so. This isn't about giving up this or giving up that. It's about a different mindset entirely. I want to love people. I want to see people as Christ sees them. I'm one of the most judgmental people you could ever know. I'm really not nice to people that aren't like me. My Self thinks he's the king.... he's angry to be told that not only is he lowly, but he must be placed on the alter and sacrificed completely.
DING! DING!
Let the fight begin.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
"Shoot me first"
I have said many times in the past that I am prone to times of
'over-emotion'. I cry at the smallest things; acts of kindness, sappy
commercials, stupid movies, touching songs. I have always had in my
personality the ability, or disability as the case may be, to empathize
with people in any given situation. The past week those traits have
taken their toll on me and I now feel completely and utterly battered
to the point of exhaustion. I feel I have come to my cross roads and a
choice will have to be made.
The schoolhouse shootings in a little Amish community in Nickle Mines,
PA has brought me to my knees. I have cried several times over the
events that took place last week in that quiet schoolhouse. I know now
what it is when pure evil assaults pure innocence. And lest you should
ever doubt the presence of evil, look no farther than the events of
that day. Hugo Chavez, the underwhelming leader of Venezuela, called
President Bush, 'the devil'. He wishes that were the case. I'm afraid
Mr. Chavez will one day get the opportunity of meeting said devil and
I'm sure he'll wonder what he was thinking. No, you see the devil went
to Nickle Mines, PA and assaulted the mind of Charles Roberts; a little
man.
I have no earthly comprehension of what it takes for a man to shoot 10
little girls, killing at least 5 of them. I have nothing in me that
can possibly relate to just how depraved a man has to get to be able to
look into the eyes of a small angel and pull the trigger. There is
nothing within my knowledge of this universe that will ever satisfy my
question as to how he could have planned to rape 10 little girls. When
I picture that scene I see this vile human in the presence of
innocence. I see pure darkness in him and around him. I can see
demons whispering taunts in his ear. 'Do it!' 'You're worthless!'
'Kill them!' 'Coward!' I can see a cloud of fire circling above that
schoolhouse as a battle in the spirit world takes place. Forces bent
on causing death, destruction and ultimate fear are everywhere. They
are rejoicing that this weak, little man is now in their clutches and
is about to terrorize and destroy 10 little angels. They see victory.
It is the ultimate picture of evil tormenting good.
Then something happens. In the midst of total fear and evil; of
darkness and sexual perversion, one of the angels speaks. Knowing now
what the intentions are of this little man, she says something that
will forever change me; and if it doesn't than I am truly
unchangeable. She looks evil in the eye and says without hesitation,
"Shoot me first." Shoot me first? What? This from the lips of a 13
year old angel? Surely see will beg for her life. Surely she will
offer the man whatever he wants just so she can live. What about her
parents and friends? What about all her dreams of making it in this
world. She has so much to live for. Fight! Run! But.... 'Shoot me
first'.
This causes evil to recoil a bit. There seems to be no panic among the
angels. This can't be. How can this be? She doesn't know what she's
saying. Any minute they will all be screaming to live. But then
there's another voice. 'Shoot me second'. The screech of every evil
principality can be heard. 'NO!' Yet another angel, one only 8 years
old has offered herself to the little man. It seems that evil has once
again underestimated true faith. It seems that evil has never
understood those who are true in their faith and in the comfort that
Jesus gives them. These two girls were willing to be shot first and
then second as to buy just a bit more time for the others. And shot
they were. Defeated? Destroyed? I think not. I think God knows that
those little angels showed more faith and courage than any preacher
I've seen on TV lately.
You would think that anyone rational would be so moved at this display
of faith and sacrifice that they would instantly put down their weapon
and repent. But not the little man. No, he proceeded to shoot all 10
girls. Then the little man said, 'Pray for me' and shot himself to
complete
his ultimate act of cowardliness. Would it be that I get one day off
my life to be
able to go into the pits of hell and deal angry blows to this little
man. Vengeance. Justice. To harm the hair on one of these little
angels..... Oh to see him punished
The God raises His hand to me and says, 'I got this one'.
But with the first shots fired at the first two girls, it seems that he
wasn't able to have the time to 'make sure' all the girls were dead by
the time to police began to break through the windows. Did their act
of faith and sacrifice save some of the others? I believe it did.
"Shoot me first"... I'll never forget those words.
I have come now to fully realize just how false my faith is. I would
scowl at anyone that would dare call me a follower of Christ.
Everything in my actions on a daily basis says nothing of my faith but
simply that I am as nominal as they come. I don't raise my children to
have this sort of courage in Christ. In many ways I weep because I
feel like I'm partly to blame for what led to the little man killing
these angels. I support violence by what I watch. I support sexual
perversion by what I watch. I support despair because I do nothing to
encourage those around me. In many ways, I am the shooter.... we all
are. I am a little man.
How long will we be ok with this? How long will we be fine with the
fact that our faith means nothing to anyone, not even to us? You see,
I believe that I could change lives. I think God has gifted me in
areas of ministry and yet I would rather make more money to buy more
crap and have more bills. You see the Amish are so close to what I
think we are supposed to actually be like. They truly live in the
world but they are not of the world. Do you know that they invited the
little man's family to the funerals of the girls as a way of saying,
'we love you. You are our family and we forgive you'. Do you know
that they went to the parents of the little man and stayed for an hour
and held them as they said, 'we forgive all'. Are you serious? Never
again will anyone mock the Amish in my presence. They are the real
deal and those like me are the lukewarm church that will be spewed out
by God.
As I sat on the train tonight I wept. I had to hide my face from my
engineer because I was just too overwhelmed. As I listened to a song
by Keith Green called 'Your love broke through' , I was having a
'dream-like' sequence with God. In my dream I was running and yelling
to God:
"How long will you search for me God? How long will you look for me in
the muck and the mire? With every choice of road, I leave the straight
and narrow and go my own way. Here I am, I am in the swamps of life.
Can you even see me for my filth? Have I not even the faith of a child
that you would even acknowledge me? Am I truly too far gone; too far
lost? Oh God what will it take for you to find me again? Why is the
world so defeating me and all around me? Are we all too far gone?
Have you left us to evil?"
The Lord says with thundering calm, "Geoff, I am right here. I need
not find you, because I have never left you. Run as you might, stumble
though you may, you will never be out of my reach. Come what may, I
am. Go where you may, I am. Hide though you may, I am. I am.... I
am. Never will I leave you or forsake you. All you have to do is have
faith. The faith of a child."
I don't know what becomes of emotions like mine. I don't know what
choices and decisions I will make. Will anything change? How hard
will it be? Can I do it? No, I can't. Only God can.
'Shoot me first'.
Here's a link to Keith Green's song, Your love broke through
'over-emotion'. I cry at the smallest things; acts of kindness, sappy
commercials, stupid movies, touching songs. I have always had in my
personality the ability, or disability as the case may be, to empathize
with people in any given situation. The past week those traits have
taken their toll on me and I now feel completely and utterly battered
to the point of exhaustion. I feel I have come to my cross roads and a
choice will have to be made.
The schoolhouse shootings in a little Amish community in Nickle Mines,
PA has brought me to my knees. I have cried several times over the
events that took place last week in that quiet schoolhouse. I know now
what it is when pure evil assaults pure innocence. And lest you should
ever doubt the presence of evil, look no farther than the events of
that day. Hugo Chavez, the underwhelming leader of Venezuela, called
President Bush, 'the devil'. He wishes that were the case. I'm afraid
Mr. Chavez will one day get the opportunity of meeting said devil and
I'm sure he'll wonder what he was thinking. No, you see the devil went
to Nickle Mines, PA and assaulted the mind of Charles Roberts; a little
man.
I have no earthly comprehension of what it takes for a man to shoot 10
little girls, killing at least 5 of them. I have nothing in me that
can possibly relate to just how depraved a man has to get to be able to
look into the eyes of a small angel and pull the trigger. There is
nothing within my knowledge of this universe that will ever satisfy my
question as to how he could have planned to rape 10 little girls. When
I picture that scene I see this vile human in the presence of
innocence. I see pure darkness in him and around him. I can see
demons whispering taunts in his ear. 'Do it!' 'You're worthless!'
'Kill them!' 'Coward!' I can see a cloud of fire circling above that
schoolhouse as a battle in the spirit world takes place. Forces bent
on causing death, destruction and ultimate fear are everywhere. They
are rejoicing that this weak, little man is now in their clutches and
is about to terrorize and destroy 10 little angels. They see victory.
It is the ultimate picture of evil tormenting good.
Then something happens. In the midst of total fear and evil; of
darkness and sexual perversion, one of the angels speaks. Knowing now
what the intentions are of this little man, she says something that
will forever change me; and if it doesn't than I am truly
unchangeable. She looks evil in the eye and says without hesitation,
"Shoot me first." Shoot me first? What? This from the lips of a 13
year old angel? Surely see will beg for her life. Surely she will
offer the man whatever he wants just so she can live. What about her
parents and friends? What about all her dreams of making it in this
world. She has so much to live for. Fight! Run! But.... 'Shoot me
first'.
This causes evil to recoil a bit. There seems to be no panic among the
angels. This can't be. How can this be? She doesn't know what she's
saying. Any minute they will all be screaming to live. But then
there's another voice. 'Shoot me second'. The screech of every evil
principality can be heard. 'NO!' Yet another angel, one only 8 years
old has offered herself to the little man. It seems that evil has once
again underestimated true faith. It seems that evil has never
understood those who are true in their faith and in the comfort that
Jesus gives them. These two girls were willing to be shot first and
then second as to buy just a bit more time for the others. And shot
they were. Defeated? Destroyed? I think not. I think God knows that
those little angels showed more faith and courage than any preacher
I've seen on TV lately.
You would think that anyone rational would be so moved at this display
of faith and sacrifice that they would instantly put down their weapon
and repent. But not the little man. No, he proceeded to shoot all 10
girls. Then the little man said, 'Pray for me' and shot himself to
complete
his ultimate act of cowardliness. Would it be that I get one day off
my life to be
able to go into the pits of hell and deal angry blows to this little
man. Vengeance. Justice. To harm the hair on one of these little
angels..... Oh to see him punished
The God raises His hand to me and says, 'I got this one'.
But with the first shots fired at the first two girls, it seems that he
wasn't able to have the time to 'make sure' all the girls were dead by
the time to police began to break through the windows. Did their act
of faith and sacrifice save some of the others? I believe it did.
"Shoot me first"... I'll never forget those words.
I have come now to fully realize just how false my faith is. I would
scowl at anyone that would dare call me a follower of Christ.
Everything in my actions on a daily basis says nothing of my faith but
simply that I am as nominal as they come. I don't raise my children to
have this sort of courage in Christ. In many ways I weep because I
feel like I'm partly to blame for what led to the little man killing
these angels. I support violence by what I watch. I support sexual
perversion by what I watch. I support despair because I do nothing to
encourage those around me. In many ways, I am the shooter.... we all
are. I am a little man.
How long will we be ok with this? How long will we be fine with the
fact that our faith means nothing to anyone, not even to us? You see,
I believe that I could change lives. I think God has gifted me in
areas of ministry and yet I would rather make more money to buy more
crap and have more bills. You see the Amish are so close to what I
think we are supposed to actually be like. They truly live in the
world but they are not of the world. Do you know that they invited the
little man's family to the funerals of the girls as a way of saying,
'we love you. You are our family and we forgive you'. Do you know
that they went to the parents of the little man and stayed for an hour
and held them as they said, 'we forgive all'. Are you serious? Never
again will anyone mock the Amish in my presence. They are the real
deal and those like me are the lukewarm church that will be spewed out
by God.
As I sat on the train tonight I wept. I had to hide my face from my
engineer because I was just too overwhelmed. As I listened to a song
by Keith Green called 'Your love broke through' , I was having a
'dream-like' sequence with God. In my dream I was running and yelling
to God:
"How long will you search for me God? How long will you look for me in
the muck and the mire? With every choice of road, I leave the straight
and narrow and go my own way. Here I am, I am in the swamps of life.
Can you even see me for my filth? Have I not even the faith of a child
that you would even acknowledge me? Am I truly too far gone; too far
lost? Oh God what will it take for you to find me again? Why is the
world so defeating me and all around me? Are we all too far gone?
Have you left us to evil?"
The Lord says with thundering calm, "Geoff, I am right here. I need
not find you, because I have never left you. Run as you might, stumble
though you may, you will never be out of my reach. Come what may, I
am. Go where you may, I am. Hide though you may, I am. I am.... I
am. Never will I leave you or forsake you. All you have to do is have
faith. The faith of a child."
I don't know what becomes of emotions like mine. I don't know what
choices and decisions I will make. Will anything change? How hard
will it be? Can I do it? No, I can't. Only God can.
'Shoot me first'.
Here's a link to Keith Green's song, Your love broke through
What have I then?
While working a couple of trains the last two days, I was paired up with a young engineer that after recently divorcing his wife was now single. He seems like a good enough guy and is what I would call a 'country boy'. The first few miles of our run on the first day were very uneventful. We passed the time talking about Unions, contracts, other employees, etc. As we talked I noticed he was receiving a lot of text messages. He was trying to talk to me and also reply to the 'senders' of said messages. I inquired of him, 'who are texting?'. I really wished soon after that I would have just let it go without any questions asked for he proceeded to tell me all about these various girls that he was dating. There was the gal in Wichita (he finished all her calls with 'I love you too'), there was the gal in Kansas City and there seemed to be a neighbor gal involved that wasn't texting but he was receiving phone calls from other of our fellow employees asking if he had scored with her yet. I listened to this for some time; all while trying to read my CS Lewis book about the writings of George MacDonald. That's kind of like trying to eat a steak while the guy next to you is puking up his beer.
Finally, he ended his bragging session with a descriptioin of all the 'fun he has' (wink, wink) and with the declaration that 'I never got to do stuff like that when I was married. Bet you don't get to have that kind of fun do you married man? Are you happy being married?'
I wanted to answer him with a long answer. My mind proceeded with the following thoughts almost word for word:
"I have this white skinned beauty who is not only beautiful in the external but contains more inward beauty than anyone I've ever known. She laughs at my jokes, tolerates my rants, fixes awesome meals, takes care of our house, never complains whether we have money or not--has stuck with me in our worst times and been the cause of our best times. She cares for my two most precious treasures on earth, one is eight, the other is three. Whatever good they are is simply because of how good she is. She guards over them, teaches them, plays with them, encourages them, disciplines them and most of all laughs with them and prays for them.
When we are sick she comforts us, she medicates us, she cleans the sheets and towels, she brushes our hair and kisses our foreheads. She is both lover and friend. Both confidant and soldier. There is never a day come rain or shine when she doesn't warm us with a smile or soft word. She is a friend to all and enemy of none. She is creative and dazzles me with her eyes. If I was half the person she was, I'd be well on my way to being 'good'. Yeah, my lady is true. She is my rock and my lighthouse when all around me is rough and stormy. And she loves..... me'. I love 'er. Always have, always will.
I'm like any married man, I make some complaints. I'm not easy to live with. I have silly fantasies which disrespect her and I often think of the grass on the other side. But after thinking all that all I could say was, 'Yeah, I'm pretty darn happy'.
I'm blessed. So are you men of Troy. Now, go hug your wives.
Finally, he ended his bragging session with a descriptioin of all the 'fun he has' (wink, wink) and with the declaration that 'I never got to do stuff like that when I was married. Bet you don't get to have that kind of fun do you married man? Are you happy being married?'
I wanted to answer him with a long answer. My mind proceeded with the following thoughts almost word for word:
"I have this white skinned beauty who is not only beautiful in the external but contains more inward beauty than anyone I've ever known. She laughs at my jokes, tolerates my rants, fixes awesome meals, takes care of our house, never complains whether we have money or not--has stuck with me in our worst times and been the cause of our best times. She cares for my two most precious treasures on earth, one is eight, the other is three. Whatever good they are is simply because of how good she is. She guards over them, teaches them, plays with them, encourages them, disciplines them and most of all laughs with them and prays for them.
When we are sick she comforts us, she medicates us, she cleans the sheets and towels, she brushes our hair and kisses our foreheads. She is both lover and friend. Both confidant and soldier. There is never a day come rain or shine when she doesn't warm us with a smile or soft word. She is a friend to all and enemy of none. She is creative and dazzles me with her eyes. If I was half the person she was, I'd be well on my way to being 'good'. Yeah, my lady is true. She is my rock and my lighthouse when all around me is rough and stormy. And she loves..... me'. I love 'er. Always have, always will.
I'm like any married man, I make some complaints. I'm not easy to live with. I have silly fantasies which disrespect her and I often think of the grass on the other side. But after thinking all that all I could say was, 'Yeah, I'm pretty darn happy'.
I'm blessed. So are you men of Troy. Now, go hug your wives.
What would you do?
Recently two FOX news employees, reporter Steve Centanni andcameraman, Olaf Wiig were kidnapped on the Gaza strip as they reported on the plight of the Palestinians and some bombings that recently took place. Thankfully, early Sunday morning they were released. Here's the story via foxnews.com
GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip — Two FOX News journalists were released by their kidnappers Sunday, nearly two weeks after they were taken hostage in the Gaza Strip.
Steve Centanni, 60, and Olaf Wiig, 36, left Gaza and have since crossed into Israel after their release. The men left Gaza through the Erez border crossing.
The freeing of Centanni, a correspondent, and Wiig, a cameraman, ends the longest-running drama involving foreign hostages in Gaza.
The two journalists were dropped off at Gaza City's Beach Hotel by Palestinian security officials and appeared to be in good health. A tearful Centanni embraced a Palestinian journalist briefly as he entered, then rushed upstairs as Wiig followed.
Centanni, in a phone interview shortly after his release, said "I'm fine. I'm just so happy to be free."
He said he was so emotional because he was out and alive.
"There were times when I thought 'I'm dead,' and I'm not," Centanni said. "I'm fine. I'm so very happy."
He recounted how he and Wiig were pulled out of their car on August 14 and taken at gunpoint into another car. The kidnappers blindfolded them and handcuffed their hands behind their backs with plastic ties. They were then transferred to another car and driven to a building that they later learned was a garage.
"We were pushed down onto the dirt-covered concrete floor and we were forced to lie face down with our handcuffs on," Centanni said.
"Olaf was in the same room with me. Our shoulders were wrenched back, very painful."
Both of the men were forced to convert to Islam at gunpoint, Centanni said. (the highlight is mine)
"We were forced to convert to Islam at gunpoint," Centanni told FOX News. "Don't get me wrong here. I have the highest respect for Islam, and I learned a lot of good things about it, but it was something we felt we had to do because they had the guns, and we didn't know what the hell was going on."
Centanni's brother, Ken, spoke to FOX News directly after the news was released.
"It's just a tremendous amount of relief, overwhelming relief," he said.
Later Sunday, Centanni and Wiig appeared before reporters, then traveled to the Erez crossing into Israel to leave Gaza.
"I want to thank everybody. I am happy to be here. I hope that this never scares a single journalist away from coming to Gaza to cover the story because the
Palestinian people are very beautiful and kind hearted," Centanni told reporters. "The world needs to know more about them. Don't be discouraged."
Wiig also said he was worried that the kidnapping would scare off reporters.
"My biggest concern really is that as a result of what happened to us foreign journalists will be discouraged from coming to tell the story and that would be a great tragedy for the people of Palestine," Wiig said. "You guys need us on the streets, and you need people to be aware of the story."
Wiig's wife, Anita McNaught, thanked Palestinian officials and FOX News for their efforts in getting the men released. The men refused to take questions.
My thoughts:
Please do not mistake me for some 'at-home-Rambo'. I have no idea what these two men went through and I have no idea where their hearts are in relation to anything resembling an organized religion; more specifically in relation to their feelings about Christ. I don't know what exactly I would do if I were in their shoes and I would be less than honest if I didn't tell you that I hope I'm never in their shoes. . I do know this: the day may come, the Bible seems to suggest it WILL come, when all Christians may well be in this very position. I don't know if it will be militant Islam doing the 'converting' or a religion that doesn't exist yet, but you may very well find yourself in the position of having to choose life over your faith. Some may say that 'well, it doesn't matter what you say, God will know your heart' and you may be right. But I do believe that the PUBLIC acknowledgment of a faith in Christ is seen by God as an awesome and essential thing.
Romans 10: 8-9 says it this way:
...That if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord', and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.
2 Timothy 1: 8-9 says:
So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life....
My wife and I were talking about this and neither one of us could imagine what we would do if someone had a knife to either or both of our boys' throats saying that if we didn't convert to such-n-such, they would kill our kids. I do know that it's at least considering ahead of time what to do and how to handle it. You may say, 'we don't live in that kind of time yet', and I hope you're right. But I know that on September 11, 2001 when Konnie called me and told me what was happening I said, 'no way'. I hope I never see the day that any of us would be faced with such a choice as these two fine men. But if so I hope that I will remember the words of Jesus.
Matthew 10:32-33:
Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven.
I can't seem to acknowledge my faith in the most mundane circumstances. In some ways, it would be sad if it took a gun to my head for me to confess to the truth in which I believe. At times I'm shy about telling 'the world' that I went to a Bible College. I'm fearful to reveal to them that I actually have a 'Youth Ministry' degree with a minor in Bible Theology. I'm not sure of how they'll feel about me if they know that CS Lewis is my favorite author or that I have 'GASP' seen Sandi Patti in concert. Here in front of my computer I can babble on about Godly things and thoughts and feel safe that no one will give me instant judgment or criticism. But to actually verbally 'confess' with my foul mouth that I'm a believer in Jesus Christ is well, just not very comfortable. Please don't give me credit for 'being honest' or 'real'. I've grown tired of myself frankly. Why just tonight I wanted to beat up a 60 year old van driver because he got lippy with me and my engineer. Nice. That would go well on the 'ways you show Christ to others' list.
So what would I do? I think I would fight. I just couldn't help myself. I would say, 'I believe in Jesus you worthless piece of camel dung and I'm willing to fight you over it.' Pretty sure that's not what God had in mind. But before I decide on how I react to some crazy Jihadist, I might want to work on how I react to a cranky, old van driver that said something he shouldn't have. I'm telling ya folks, this dance is getting old. I'm getting to the point where I'm either going to be a man of God, or I'm going to shut up about the whole matter. Like I've said, I'm a 'glass-half-empty' guy and I'm not sure that the current version of me is very usable to God. I know the past version sure wasn't. The question is, 'can we really change?'. I would like to think so and I've seen people do it. But I'm this spoiled little brat of a Christian that truly doesn't get it. I like to think I am of use, even if it's just blogging, but I often wonder if I'm just 'a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal'. (I Cor. 13:1) I read Lewis and MacDonald and somehow thing that I will enter the next room with my 'Super Christian' cape ready to foil the plots of evil men. What I actually do is enter the next room and start complaining about my job, my bills, my inability to get into size 36 jeans anymore and so forth.
Yeah, I'll confess that I believe in Christ, but you'll have to put a gun to my head.
GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip — Two FOX News journalists were released by their kidnappers Sunday, nearly two weeks after they were taken hostage in the Gaza Strip.
Steve Centanni, 60, and Olaf Wiig, 36, left Gaza and have since crossed into Israel after their release. The men left Gaza through the Erez border crossing.
The freeing of Centanni, a correspondent, and Wiig, a cameraman, ends the longest-running drama involving foreign hostages in Gaza.
The two journalists were dropped off at Gaza City's Beach Hotel by Palestinian security officials and appeared to be in good health. A tearful Centanni embraced a Palestinian journalist briefly as he entered, then rushed upstairs as Wiig followed.
Centanni, in a phone interview shortly after his release, said "I'm fine. I'm just so happy to be free."
He said he was so emotional because he was out and alive.
"There were times when I thought 'I'm dead,' and I'm not," Centanni said. "I'm fine. I'm so very happy."
He recounted how he and Wiig were pulled out of their car on August 14 and taken at gunpoint into another car. The kidnappers blindfolded them and handcuffed their hands behind their backs with plastic ties. They were then transferred to another car and driven to a building that they later learned was a garage.
"We were pushed down onto the dirt-covered concrete floor and we were forced to lie face down with our handcuffs on," Centanni said.
"Olaf was in the same room with me. Our shoulders were wrenched back, very painful."
Both of the men were forced to convert to Islam at gunpoint, Centanni said. (the highlight is mine)
"We were forced to convert to Islam at gunpoint," Centanni told FOX News. "Don't get me wrong here. I have the highest respect for Islam, and I learned a lot of good things about it, but it was something we felt we had to do because they had the guns, and we didn't know what the hell was going on."
Centanni's brother, Ken, spoke to FOX News directly after the news was released.
"It's just a tremendous amount of relief, overwhelming relief," he said.
Later Sunday, Centanni and Wiig appeared before reporters, then traveled to the Erez crossing into Israel to leave Gaza.
"I want to thank everybody. I am happy to be here. I hope that this never scares a single journalist away from coming to Gaza to cover the story because the
Palestinian people are very beautiful and kind hearted," Centanni told reporters. "The world needs to know more about them. Don't be discouraged."
Wiig also said he was worried that the kidnapping would scare off reporters.
"My biggest concern really is that as a result of what happened to us foreign journalists will be discouraged from coming to tell the story and that would be a great tragedy for the people of Palestine," Wiig said. "You guys need us on the streets, and you need people to be aware of the story."
Wiig's wife, Anita McNaught, thanked Palestinian officials and FOX News for their efforts in getting the men released. The men refused to take questions.
My thoughts:
Please do not mistake me for some 'at-home-Rambo'. I have no idea what these two men went through and I have no idea where their hearts are in relation to anything resembling an organized religion; more specifically in relation to their feelings about Christ. I don't know what exactly I would do if I were in their shoes and I would be less than honest if I didn't tell you that I hope I'm never in their shoes. . I do know this: the day may come, the Bible seems to suggest it WILL come, when all Christians may well be in this very position. I don't know if it will be militant Islam doing the 'converting' or a religion that doesn't exist yet, but you may very well find yourself in the position of having to choose life over your faith. Some may say that 'well, it doesn't matter what you say, God will know your heart' and you may be right. But I do believe that the PUBLIC acknowledgment of a faith in Christ is seen by God as an awesome and essential thing.
Romans 10: 8-9 says it this way:
...That if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord', and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.
2 Timothy 1: 8-9 says:
So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life....
My wife and I were talking about this and neither one of us could imagine what we would do if someone had a knife to either or both of our boys' throats saying that if we didn't convert to such-n-such, they would kill our kids. I do know that it's at least considering ahead of time what to do and how to handle it. You may say, 'we don't live in that kind of time yet', and I hope you're right. But I know that on September 11, 2001 when Konnie called me and told me what was happening I said, 'no way'. I hope I never see the day that any of us would be faced with such a choice as these two fine men. But if so I hope that I will remember the words of Jesus.
Matthew 10:32-33:
Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven.
I can't seem to acknowledge my faith in the most mundane circumstances. In some ways, it would be sad if it took a gun to my head for me to confess to the truth in which I believe. At times I'm shy about telling 'the world' that I went to a Bible College. I'm fearful to reveal to them that I actually have a 'Youth Ministry' degree with a minor in Bible Theology. I'm not sure of how they'll feel about me if they know that CS Lewis is my favorite author or that I have 'GASP' seen Sandi Patti in concert. Here in front of my computer I can babble on about Godly things and thoughts and feel safe that no one will give me instant judgment or criticism. But to actually verbally 'confess' with my foul mouth that I'm a believer in Jesus Christ is well, just not very comfortable. Please don't give me credit for 'being honest' or 'real'. I've grown tired of myself frankly. Why just tonight I wanted to beat up a 60 year old van driver because he got lippy with me and my engineer. Nice. That would go well on the 'ways you show Christ to others' list.
So what would I do? I think I would fight. I just couldn't help myself. I would say, 'I believe in Jesus you worthless piece of camel dung and I'm willing to fight you over it.' Pretty sure that's not what God had in mind. But before I decide on how I react to some crazy Jihadist, I might want to work on how I react to a cranky, old van driver that said something he shouldn't have. I'm telling ya folks, this dance is getting old. I'm getting to the point where I'm either going to be a man of God, or I'm going to shut up about the whole matter. Like I've said, I'm a 'glass-half-empty' guy and I'm not sure that the current version of me is very usable to God. I know the past version sure wasn't. The question is, 'can we really change?'. I would like to think so and I've seen people do it. But I'm this spoiled little brat of a Christian that truly doesn't get it. I like to think I am of use, even if it's just blogging, but I often wonder if I'm just 'a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal'. (I Cor. 13:1) I read Lewis and MacDonald and somehow thing that I will enter the next room with my 'Super Christian' cape ready to foil the plots of evil men. What I actually do is enter the next room and start complaining about my job, my bills, my inability to get into size 36 jeans anymore and so forth.
Yeah, I'll confess that I believe in Christ, but you'll have to put a gun to my head.
Monday, August 21, 2006
God's Will
This summer I had to deal with a question that all Christians face not just once in awhile, but almost daily. It's a question that has been so oft asked that it now runs the risk of almost falling into the category of 'milk or sugar?'. Konnie and I made the decision last spring that we would once again try and sell our houses and move from Pratt to somewhere closer to Wichita, where I have worked for the past 8 years. It seems like the decision should have been very easy when one considers that I have been driving about 166 miles round trip for 5-6 days a week for the past 5 years. My car, a 2004 VW Jetta, racked up an impressive 72,000 miles since May of '04. Added to the mix is the greed of oil execs around the globe (ok, maybe it's just the fair market system), and I was paying another house payment in gas. So, you would think on the surface that it was obvious that we should move.
But on closer inspection you would find the following details in the 'pro-Pratt' position:
1. It is the life long home of my wife.
2. My oldest son, Kaden, loved his school.
3. We lived right across the street from a park
4. We have great friends in the town and nearby
5. Small town living ain't so bad these days
6. The local Chinese Buffet is smokin' good
I'm a glass-half-empty kind of guy. I don't know why I'm this way, but I'm pretty convinced that any decision I make is going to explode all over me and lead me to the conclusion that once again, 'I blew it'. I started wondering in all of this, 'what is God's will for me in the move? Does He want me to stay or should we move closer to Wichita? Maybe I should quit the Railroad and go back into ministry' (Once can pause at this moment and question me as to why I can't minister on the Railroad and you would have not only asked a valid question but exposed the flaw in 'ministry as a career').
One night I was at my friend Seth Roe's house. It was late and I was getting ready to leave. We were standing in his driveway under a beautiful starry sky pondering the things of God. You tend to ponder 'things of God' when you take some time to realize just how awesome his creation is. I began to talk with Seth about my quandary and something hit me. In asking God what is it that He would have me do, I got a funny answer. I could almost hear Him saying, 'What's it matter?'. Huh? 'You mean that I have free reign to do as I please?', I wondered aloud. God answers back, 'What do I care if you live in Pratt, Wichita, North Carolina, Kenya or Goddard, KS?' I felt a little 'put off' by the Big Guy. I mean how does He say 'What do I care?' Of course God is supposed to care. 'You're supposed to care God, that 's what you do'. God rephrases His point as it becomes obvious to him that I'm as bright as a 40 watt bulb and I don't read enough. 'What I mean is this; if I don't have your heart, your mind, your soul, your dreams, your loves, your sadness, your body, your time, your family, your money, your talents, your desires, and so on, what does it matter to Me where you live? Geoff, until I have you, it matters not where you are or what you are doing. We'll make the best use of it, no doubt, but what my will really is, is to Have You!'
I think we all do this. We are so consumed with what we are doing in life and where we live and what we have or don't have, who our friends are or are not, where we go to school, what church we attend, etc. that we have lost the bigger point about 'God's Will'. I heard a great story about Mother Teresa and the funny thing is, I can't remember it as I type this. (These are real time blogs people, nothing is researched) :-) But I think it was basically like this.
A man went to work with MT (As I always called her) and she asked the young man how should she pray for him. He said, 'That I am doing God's Will by being here'. She said, 'Heavens no I won't pray that'. 'Why not', the man asked puzzled by her answer. 'Look at this place. Do you think I hope it's God's Will for me that I am here? Perhaps His will is that I'm somewhere even worse. What I pray is that God will use me wherever I am.'
I'm sure I butchered that story, but this version works as well.
We moved to Goddard and sold one of our two houses and are in the process of trying to sell the other. I didn't quit the Railroad and I'm not preaching anywhere but in this blog. I don't know if this is where I should be, but I do know that until I'm God's Man, it doesn't matter. My goal it to be 'God's Man' in Goddard, KS and we'll see the results of that when it happens. You may not be where you think you are supposed to be, but if God doesn't own all of you, what's it matter? God's will, I think, is really much simpler than the theologians an authors have stated. I think every time you read, 'Love your neighbors', you are reading God's will for your life. Every time you see the words, '..do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than clothes?' you are seeing God's will. When you read James speaking of 'true religion being that which helps the widows and orphans', you are reading God's will for your church. I know that what I try to do is to make things so complicated that it removes the pressure on me to make a choice. If the choice is too hard, then I shouldn't have to feel bad that I couldn't get it done. I no longer have that excuse when it comes to 'God's Will'. It's really very simple. I'm either all His or I'm not. I'm either trying to live a better life in accordance to his Will, or I'm not. I either share Christ with others at work, or I don't. I either lead my household spiritually, or I decide to remain obsequious to my own desires. This is the path of knowing 'God's Will'. So before you ask Him what his will is about a matter, you should first check and see if you are His first. Because until that question can be answered in the affirmative you may find He will answer you the way He did me: 'What's it matter?'
But on closer inspection you would find the following details in the 'pro-Pratt' position:
1. It is the life long home of my wife.
2. My oldest son, Kaden, loved his school.
3. We lived right across the street from a park
4. We have great friends in the town and nearby
5. Small town living ain't so bad these days
6. The local Chinese Buffet is smokin' good
I'm a glass-half-empty kind of guy. I don't know why I'm this way, but I'm pretty convinced that any decision I make is going to explode all over me and lead me to the conclusion that once again, 'I blew it'. I started wondering in all of this, 'what is God's will for me in the move? Does He want me to stay or should we move closer to Wichita? Maybe I should quit the Railroad and go back into ministry' (Once can pause at this moment and question me as to why I can't minister on the Railroad and you would have not only asked a valid question but exposed the flaw in 'ministry as a career').
One night I was at my friend Seth Roe's house. It was late and I was getting ready to leave. We were standing in his driveway under a beautiful starry sky pondering the things of God. You tend to ponder 'things of God' when you take some time to realize just how awesome his creation is. I began to talk with Seth about my quandary and something hit me. In asking God what is it that He would have me do, I got a funny answer. I could almost hear Him saying, 'What's it matter?'. Huh? 'You mean that I have free reign to do as I please?', I wondered aloud. God answers back, 'What do I care if you live in Pratt, Wichita, North Carolina, Kenya or Goddard, KS?' I felt a little 'put off' by the Big Guy. I mean how does He say 'What do I care?' Of course God is supposed to care. 'You're supposed to care God, that 's what you do'. God rephrases His point as it becomes obvious to him that I'm as bright as a 40 watt bulb and I don't read enough. 'What I mean is this; if I don't have your heart, your mind, your soul, your dreams, your loves, your sadness, your body, your time, your family, your money, your talents, your desires, and so on, what does it matter to Me where you live? Geoff, until I have you, it matters not where you are or what you are doing. We'll make the best use of it, no doubt, but what my will really is, is to Have You!'
I think we all do this. We are so consumed with what we are doing in life and where we live and what we have or don't have, who our friends are or are not, where we go to school, what church we attend, etc. that we have lost the bigger point about 'God's Will'. I heard a great story about Mother Teresa and the funny thing is, I can't remember it as I type this. (These are real time blogs people, nothing is researched) :-) But I think it was basically like this.
A man went to work with MT (As I always called her) and she asked the young man how should she pray for him. He said, 'That I am doing God's Will by being here'. She said, 'Heavens no I won't pray that'. 'Why not', the man asked puzzled by her answer. 'Look at this place. Do you think I hope it's God's Will for me that I am here? Perhaps His will is that I'm somewhere even worse. What I pray is that God will use me wherever I am.'
I'm sure I butchered that story, but this version works as well.
We moved to Goddard and sold one of our two houses and are in the process of trying to sell the other. I didn't quit the Railroad and I'm not preaching anywhere but in this blog. I don't know if this is where I should be, but I do know that until I'm God's Man, it doesn't matter. My goal it to be 'God's Man' in Goddard, KS and we'll see the results of that when it happens. You may not be where you think you are supposed to be, but if God doesn't own all of you, what's it matter? God's will, I think, is really much simpler than the theologians an authors have stated. I think every time you read, 'Love your neighbors', you are reading God's will for your life. Every time you see the words, '..do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than clothes?' you are seeing God's will. When you read James speaking of 'true religion being that which helps the widows and orphans', you are reading God's will for your church. I know that what I try to do is to make things so complicated that it removes the pressure on me to make a choice. If the choice is too hard, then I shouldn't have to feel bad that I couldn't get it done. I no longer have that excuse when it comes to 'God's Will'. It's really very simple. I'm either all His or I'm not. I'm either trying to live a better life in accordance to his Will, or I'm not. I either share Christ with others at work, or I don't. I either lead my household spiritually, or I decide to remain obsequious to my own desires. This is the path of knowing 'God's Will'. So before you ask Him what his will is about a matter, you should first check and see if you are His first. Because until that question can be answered in the affirmative you may find He will answer you the way He did me: 'What's it matter?'
Monday, May 22, 2006
Illegal Congregation?
I was watching the news the other night and the hot topic of the day, illegal immigration, was up to bat. Most of the commentators on that night were screaming and hollering that our border security is a joke and something must be done about it 'right now!'. We have over 11 million illegals in the US currently and there is no plan to make them 'lega'l without stepping on the toes of others that are currently waiting in line and going about coming to this county through the proper channels (you know, like the 19 hijackers did). It seems that the current firestorm is really pretty simple: We have a great country, a land of opportunity. Those from countries without much hope for progress in the near future , i.e. jobs and education, are wanting to get here quickly and see if they can make it. Now, however, their feeling have been hurt because the President, who speaks better Spanish than English, and the Congress, who never saw a vote they wouldn't bow to, want to tighten the border and make things a little more orderly. The 'problem' of illegal immigration is found in several issues.
* One, they are taking up jobs and allowing employers to pay less money than they otherwise would if say, Unions were involved.
* Two, there is the chance that people that want to do us harm could just walk across the border and commence to the harm-doing.
* Three, our taxes are paying for the education and health care of these illegals and by golly, we can't be wasting tax dollars on.... people.
Now I understand the desire for people to feel safe. I was all for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. I don't know if I was right, but what's done is done. I also understand the need for order and for things to go through the proper channels. I mean we all love doing our taxes because it's so easy and uncomplicated. Plus, it is a bit annoying that when I'm trying to read the directions for the latest, 'I don't need that' gadget that I've purchased, I don't like having to shuffle through the five languages that are provided just hoping English has been included among them. I also don't like people protesting and waving the flag of the country they risked their lives fleeing from while they complain about the one they fled to illegally. Not sure that elevator's reaching the top floor for me. So, I guess I'm for reform because our government really gets with the program when they reform things and it makes life better for all of us. *Cough*
I don't have the answers for this problem ( I think all the people on Fox and CNN do), but I do have some thoughts. Let's bring Church and State back together for the moment. I think the Church acts just like the State when it comes to 'illegals' coming in from the outside and braving the light of day to darken our church doors. A friend of mine asked me recently, 'Who is church for?' I thought the question was profound so I engaged in some discourse about the matter. We agreed that most of the time, Church is for those who go to church... you know who you are. We learn about things that will make us better Church goers, better tithers, better song leaders, better tellers of funny Bible Stories, etc. But I don't know if any of the Churches I attend are for smokers, drinkers, porn addicts, cursers, divorcees, homeless or just otherwise dirty, nasty and not-pleasant-to-be-around-when-among-friends type of people. You see, I think when people like that show up and are found out they become 'Illegal Congregates' (is that even a word... spell check says no). They didn't apply to come. They weren't properly screened. They haven't attended the 'How to be a good ________ (fill in the denomination) class. But more over they now want their problems to become our problems. We might actually have to deal with things like pornography, cursing, drinking and other 'straight-to-hell' activities. We wouldn't be able to talk about how great we are without having these miscreants bothering about with 'real world issues'. Didn't Jesus say we were all 'Aliens in a strange land'? And what does James have to say about such snobbery?
James 2: 1-13
"1My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism. 2Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. 3If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor man, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet," 4have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?
5Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? 6But you have insulted the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? 7Are they not the ones who are slandering the noble name of him to whom you belong?
8If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself,"[a] you are doing right. 9But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. 10For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. 11For he who said, "Do not commit adultery,"[b] also said, "Do not murder."[c] If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.
12Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, 13because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!"
Yet another oldy but a goody is James 1: 27
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
Maybe the problem is that there should be different churches for different needs. Maybe instead of Baptist, Quaker, Methodist, Mennonite, Nazarene, etc. we should really have, Bi-polar, Drinkers, Cussers, Homeless, Widows, Orphans (what would they do during children's church? Hmmm), etc. Or maybe we should be united in these three things: Love God, Fellowship with Brothers (and sisters) and Make Disciples of Christ. I'm not sure we're ready for that kind of reform. I'm not trying to judge because I could easily quote Paul and say, 'I am the worst of sinners!'. At times, I think it might be true so the high horse I'm riding in on is actually a small pony and frankly he thinks I'm fat and wants me off. Let's just be careful about how we separate Church from State. If we really think the Church is different then by all means would it kill us to act that way?
Some words to the wise from the unwise: Pastors, pick it up a notch.... I can sleep at home. Greeters, look for the ugly people and treat them like a long lost friend. Ushers, smile at everyone whether they put money in or not. Musicians, play louder! Stewards, relaaaaaaaax, He owns 'the cattle on a thousand hills' and if the church is in good standing with the Lord, have some faith and make the best of what you have and wait for the rest.... it's coming. Attendees, quit waiting for 'the paid people' to minister. Be nice to each other and welcome all who are brave enough to enter 'your space'. There should be plenty of room for everyone. Look at Wyoming for crying out loud. Besides if sinners can't come to Church what are you going to do this Sunday?
* One, they are taking up jobs and allowing employers to pay less money than they otherwise would if say, Unions were involved.
* Two, there is the chance that people that want to do us harm could just walk across the border and commence to the harm-doing.
* Three, our taxes are paying for the education and health care of these illegals and by golly, we can't be wasting tax dollars on.... people.
Now I understand the desire for people to feel safe. I was all for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. I don't know if I was right, but what's done is done. I also understand the need for order and for things to go through the proper channels. I mean we all love doing our taxes because it's so easy and uncomplicated. Plus, it is a bit annoying that when I'm trying to read the directions for the latest, 'I don't need that' gadget that I've purchased, I don't like having to shuffle through the five languages that are provided just hoping English has been included among them. I also don't like people protesting and waving the flag of the country they risked their lives fleeing from while they complain about the one they fled to illegally. Not sure that elevator's reaching the top floor for me. So, I guess I'm for reform because our government really gets with the program when they reform things and it makes life better for all of us. *Cough*
I don't have the answers for this problem ( I think all the people on Fox and CNN do), but I do have some thoughts. Let's bring Church and State back together for the moment. I think the Church acts just like the State when it comes to 'illegals' coming in from the outside and braving the light of day to darken our church doors. A friend of mine asked me recently, 'Who is church for?' I thought the question was profound so I engaged in some discourse about the matter. We agreed that most of the time, Church is for those who go to church... you know who you are. We learn about things that will make us better Church goers, better tithers, better song leaders, better tellers of funny Bible Stories, etc. But I don't know if any of the Churches I attend are for smokers, drinkers, porn addicts, cursers, divorcees, homeless or just otherwise dirty, nasty and not-pleasant-to-be-around-when-among-friends type of people. You see, I think when people like that show up and are found out they become 'Illegal Congregates' (is that even a word... spell check says no). They didn't apply to come. They weren't properly screened. They haven't attended the 'How to be a good ________ (fill in the denomination) class. But more over they now want their problems to become our problems. We might actually have to deal with things like pornography, cursing, drinking and other 'straight-to-hell' activities. We wouldn't be able to talk about how great we are without having these miscreants bothering about with 'real world issues'. Didn't Jesus say we were all 'Aliens in a strange land'? And what does James have to say about such snobbery?
James 2: 1-13
"1My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism. 2Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. 3If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor man, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet," 4have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?
5Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? 6But you have insulted the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? 7Are they not the ones who are slandering the noble name of him to whom you belong?
8If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself,"[a] you are doing right. 9But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. 10For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. 11For he who said, "Do not commit adultery,"[b] also said, "Do not murder."[c] If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.
12Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, 13because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!"
Yet another oldy but a goody is James 1: 27
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
Maybe the problem is that there should be different churches for different needs. Maybe instead of Baptist, Quaker, Methodist, Mennonite, Nazarene, etc. we should really have, Bi-polar, Drinkers, Cussers, Homeless, Widows, Orphans (what would they do during children's church? Hmmm), etc. Or maybe we should be united in these three things: Love God, Fellowship with Brothers (and sisters) and Make Disciples of Christ. I'm not sure we're ready for that kind of reform. I'm not trying to judge because I could easily quote Paul and say, 'I am the worst of sinners!'. At times, I think it might be true so the high horse I'm riding in on is actually a small pony and frankly he thinks I'm fat and wants me off. Let's just be careful about how we separate Church from State. If we really think the Church is different then by all means would it kill us to act that way?
Some words to the wise from the unwise: Pastors, pick it up a notch.... I can sleep at home. Greeters, look for the ugly people and treat them like a long lost friend. Ushers, smile at everyone whether they put money in or not. Musicians, play louder! Stewards, relaaaaaaaax, He owns 'the cattle on a thousand hills' and if the church is in good standing with the Lord, have some faith and make the best of what you have and wait for the rest.... it's coming. Attendees, quit waiting for 'the paid people' to minister. Be nice to each other and welcome all who are brave enough to enter 'your space'. There should be plenty of room for everyone. Look at Wyoming for crying out loud. Besides if sinners can't come to Church what are you going to do this Sunday?
Monday, May 15, 2006
Four guaranteed ways to F.A.I.L
I recently had to give a speech to my alma mater, Barclay College. It was at the athletics banquet and the speech was to be part my athletic life and memories at the college and partly a motivational speech for the current students. As I started thinking about what to say, I began to look back on my athletic career with a bit of bitterness. I think I was the type of athlete that could play about anything, but never dominate one thing. I was a good shooter in basketball, a great hitter in baseball, a good defender in soccer, an average tennis player and a sometimes good golfer. But it seemed that I always came up short of personal goals and team goals once I got into college. I had some nice moments in all sports, but I never was a part of a Championship season. Our basketball team was talented, but we had a lot of egos (and one very talented guy that scored all the points) and never really got our act together when it came tournament time. Soccer was fun for me because the expectations were low, until my Senior year when we made it to the Championship game only to lose to a team we had beaten twice already. I think something happened in me (long story and too much to spend in therapy to go into it) that basically sentenced me to 'failing' and falling short during those years. The something I speak of is present in everything I do. So, instead of giving a speech about 5 ways to succeed or 10 ways to make it big in life, I decided that I would share with the 'yutes' Four stone-locked ways to F.A.I.L. I was, at one time or another, guilty of having all 4 of the qualities and behaviors listed. I now am at a point in life where I think these 4 factors still play a heavy roll in how I function on a daily, weekly , yearly basis. I don't think the potential for greatness ever leaves us. I do think that more we fall into the patterns of 'F.A.I.L.ing', the harder it becomes to achieve our goals or to even bother setting goals. What I've written is pretty much how the speech went, but you won't get the ad-libs. I wasn't that funny anyway. ;-) See if you struggle with any or all 4 of these qualities and then join me as we try and overcome the weight of always thinking we aren't good enough and making sure we do things to justify that conclusion. It's a factor in sports, marriage, parenting, ministry or even just getting out of bed. I've changed a little of the content, but it's pretty much how it was given. I hope it motivates you NOT to F.A.I.L.
______________________________________
How you handle things in college whether it's sports or academics or your social life, will have much to say about how your 'adult life' will go. As I was thinking about my past in sports, it was funny how much of that bled over to my later years. I began to notice a pattern that was present when things haven't gone well. You would normally hear a speech on 5 ways to make it in sports, or 10 ways to be successful, etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with my life, but when I struggle I do FOUR things that seal FAILURE. That's what I'm going to share with you: 4 ways to guarantee failure not just in sports but in your marriage, your ministry, your job, etc.
F = Fear
The great Jedi Master Yoda said, 'Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the Dark Side'. Yoda is real by the way, my 2 year old said so.
You've heard FDR say, 'there is nothing to fear, but fear itself'. Well, I agree but I do think that's a bit simple. There are many things to Fear in sports, life, ministry, and yes, even marriage. There's peer pressure, there's results, there's criticism, there's poverty, there's sickness....popularity.
HOW DO I LOOK? I'm wearing black and dying my hair blond for a reason folks and it isn't because I'm comfortable with the age thing. (I dyed my hair blond and wore all black for the speech). ONE thing will guarantee failure and that is 'the fear of failure'. I developed a fear of being the reason we would lose a game in basketball. If you only shoot 3 or 4 times a game, you can't miss that many. There were many times that my team and coach needed me to shoot the ball more, but I usually didn't. I think the most shots I ever took in a game at Barclay was 9. I was a 3 year starter and captain for 3 years and I could only muster the courage to take 9 shots. To this day that makes me ill. I wasn't a bad shooter. In fact, I would usually win our team's 3 point contest. I would regularly light in up in pick up games. But when the game mattered, I didn't want it to be my fault if I missed. In 'fearing to fail', I failed the team and myself. It wasn't all bad. I had some good moments and even managed to score 15 points a few times. But for the most part, I didn't do what the team needed.
How do we cope with this? Well, Psalm 34:4 has something to say: I sought the Lord: He heard me and delivered me from all my fears.There is nothing to fear about failing. Henry Ford said, 'Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently'.Fear of failing took over many times in my sports life... I look back now and wonder, 'what was I afraid of exactly?'
A= Attitude
Here's a couple of quotes about attitude I found enlightening:
"What a man thinks of himself determines his fate" and "Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it"
I had a attitude problem, ok, I still have an attitude problem. I was very competitive and hated criticism. I wasn't always the best guy to coach, especially early on in High School and College. My freshman year was such an emotional mess that I wound up quitting the basketball team.... TWICE! Oh to have those choices back. You only get one shot at this time in life and like I said, I have many wonderful memories, but so many regrets as well. Technical fouls and Yellow cards were pretty standard for me..... what a silly way to spend what little time you have playing a game. Believe it or not you won't play pro ball and you will have only one shot at this. Don't embarrass yourself along the way. To this day I get waaaaay to worked up over sports. Sports is more about being relieved that my team didn't lose than being glad they won. Watching a UNC basketball game with me is an educational exercise on the mentally insane. If I watched a tape of me yelling at the umps at the Wichita State baseball games, I am sure I would feel silly. Competition isn't a bad thing, but the pride we bring to it is. Do you realize that most teams lose to end their season? Michael Jordan barely made 1/2 of his shots. A good baseball player only gets a hit 30% of the time and yet those of us with poor attitudes think that things should always go perfect. When they don't we melt down and make the children flee the living room. Confidence is great, arrogance is not. Always looking for conflict is not a healthy way of living, just ask my boy Dubya. It won't make you any friends. Neither will being difficult to deal with. You know some of the most obnoxious, hard-to-work-with-people I've ever known were fellow youth pastors back in the day when I did such things. You talk about hard to work with. It was frightening and sad. Saying you are a person of God, isn't a blank check for walking all over those around you. Read the red letters in your Bible; it's all about humility.
I= Ignorance
Making poor choices. There are a lot of bad choices that bring down a sports career, a ministry, a marriage, etc. Most of those bad choices are wrapped up in thinking that you are more important than everyone around you. Some of those bad choices come from thinking that you are indestructible.... you aren't. Don Herald said, 'It takes a lot to prove you're smart, but only one thing to prove you are ignorant."
To say you will make bad choices is like saying that you will get up everyday. What are some bad choices you may make?: You are going to choose a relationship that you maybe shouldn't. You are going to choose to drink or take something you shouldn't. You are going to choose to cheat when you shouldn't. You are going to opt for a lie, when the truth is too painful. You will put yourself above those around you. The most important aspect of 'Team' is the fact that you are willing to do whatever you have to do for the success of the team, within the confines of good sportsmanship and morality. It's the key to a ministry, the key to a marriage, the key to parenting.
I will never forget Len Bias. Bias was an all-american basketball player for the University of Maryland in the mid 80's. Even though I was a Tar Heel fan, I loved watching Len Bias play basketball. He was 6 foot 7 and had the body of a Greek God. I remember him scoring 36 points at UNC one night to beat my beloved Heels. I was working at Greensboro College the summer after Bias decided to go pro. He was picked 2nd in the NBA draft and was headed to the Boston Celtics. I couldn't wait for the Jordan vs Bias matchups. Then, while we were working, I heard the news on the radio that Len Bias had died of a drug overdose. I sat there stunned. I cried even. So much talent, so much promise, such an awful choice. That will live with me forever.
Making ignorant choices are a part of life; recovering from them and learning are a part of success. I quit playing baseball in the 11th grade after I had already been told that I could possibly play in college if I would just work a bit harder. I thought I was above playing for my High School coach, so I quit. Nice move. As I mentioned earlier, I liked a girl my freshman year at Barclay (the Friends Bible College), she liked someone else. I holed up in my dorm room and listened to lots of Van Halen and quit the basketball team. Another banner moment. It may not seem fair that you can undo a lifetime of good with one bad choice, but that is just the way it is. I'm sure Eve thought, 'it's just a freaking apple'. Well, she probably didn't say freaking.
L= Laziness
I heard two sports guys going at it the other day on ESPN because one guy said that some guys are just born better than others. The other gentlemen said, 'no, most great athletes are great because they outwork everyone else.' I have to agree with the latter. As much of a good shooter as I thought I was at one time or that I could be, I NEVER shot 500 jump shots a day for a summer. I NEVER dribbled the ball for hours trying to get a better left hand. Musically, I started playing guitar when I was 12 and my teacher said I was a natural. I was playing 'Stairway to Heaven' and 'Sweet Home Alabama' just weeks after starting. I remember him telling me that I had the potential to really do some great playing some day if I was just play 4-5 hours a day. He even formed a 'boy band' with some of his sons' friends and we played in a barn for hours. I will always hate 'Sweet Home Alabama'.
Can you guess what I did? I learned the intro to about every Van Halen song, but never the whole song. Why? I had better things to do. I got very lazy about it. I have always been able to pick things up quickly, but never the focus to become great at any one thing. Robert Half said, 'Laziness is the secret ingredient that goes into failure'. CS Lewis said, 'Laziness always means more work in the end'. Amen to that. Daily discipline isn't just a catchy book title, it's also the key to succeeding whether it's in sports, marriage, ministry or anything else. You may want a bigger church, but sitting in your office ain't gonna get it done. You may want run 5 miles, but the 1 mile of Twizzlers you just ate will prevent that run. I wish I could shoot in the 70's in golf, but I golf 4 times a year. We are lazy in our faith as well. The Christian music artist Keith Green (who was killed in a plane crash over 25 years ago) wrote a song that had this line in it: "Jesus rose from the dead, but you, you can't even get out of bed". Ouch.
______________________________
So what do we do? Do we give into failure and the 4 keys to failing or is there another answer? Thomas Edison said, 'Many of life's failures are people who didn't realize how close they were to success when they gave up?' And it's not just in giving up do we fall short. It's giving into fear, attitude, ignorant choices and laziness. What does God offer us? Can we seek him out? Well, I don't believe that you allow God in on some things and shut him out of other things. If you are looking for success in anything then you will only find it with God's help. In the movie FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, the head football coach keeps asking his players a question: Can you be perfect? He wants them to challenge themselves on what they can bring to the team. Well, the Bible says the same thing only with a twist. BE YE PERFECT is our call. But how does that happen? Is it of our doing? Can we really be perfect in sports, life, ministry, marriage, etc? God does more that just 'coach us' on perfection, he takes a much more active role: Here's how CS Lewis puts it:
When He said, 'be perfect', He meant it. He meant that we must go in for the full treatment. It is hard, but the sort of compromise we are all hankering after is harder--in fact, it is impossible. I think He is saying, "The only help I will give is help to become perfect. You may want something less; but I will give you nothing less. Make no mistake, if you let me I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less, or other, than that. You have free will and if you choose, you can push Me Away. But if you do not push Me away, understand that I am going to see this job through. Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life.....whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect---until My Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He as well pleased with me. This I can do and will do. But I will not do anything less.
You see sports are a great thing I think. But they aren't everything. Even though my dad and I think the world is ending when the Shockers get a bad call, the final score just isn't' that important. They are a part of all that we do in this life that helps to shape and mold us. It isn't about winning and losing, it's about seeing yourself for who you really are. It's about coming together with teammates and going after goals. It's about love, brotherhood and sisterhood. There's more at stake in how you play a game than the final score. If you approach sports or life with Fear, Attitude, Ignorance and Laziness you will spell out how to Fail. But if you open yourself up to something bigger than yourself, if you open yourself up to someone bigger than you and allow Him to have your fears, curve your attitude, lessen your ignorance and shake you from your lazy slumber then the whole world will open up and you will see your way to success. True success is how God sees you. It's not in scoreboards, stat sheets, record books or even how many you have attending your new church. Does my spouse love me? Do my kids trust me? Do I say what I'll do then do what I say? It's question like this that measure success.
There are FOUR ways to Fail.... but really there is only ONE way to succeed and become Perfect. Choose wisely young people. This Merry-Go-Round of life may seem long, but soon you will be 36 years old, 20....OR FORTY pounds overweight..... and looking back instead of looking forward. Give yourself to the Lord and prepare yourself for new possibilities.
______________________________________
How you handle things in college whether it's sports or academics or your social life, will have much to say about how your 'adult life' will go. As I was thinking about my past in sports, it was funny how much of that bled over to my later years. I began to notice a pattern that was present when things haven't gone well. You would normally hear a speech on 5 ways to make it in sports, or 10 ways to be successful, etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with my life, but when I struggle I do FOUR things that seal FAILURE. That's what I'm going to share with you: 4 ways to guarantee failure not just in sports but in your marriage, your ministry, your job, etc.
F = Fear
The great Jedi Master Yoda said, 'Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the Dark Side'. Yoda is real by the way, my 2 year old said so.
You've heard FDR say, 'there is nothing to fear, but fear itself'. Well, I agree but I do think that's a bit simple. There are many things to Fear in sports, life, ministry, and yes, even marriage. There's peer pressure, there's results, there's criticism, there's poverty, there's sickness....popularity.
HOW DO I LOOK? I'm wearing black and dying my hair blond for a reason folks and it isn't because I'm comfortable with the age thing. (I dyed my hair blond and wore all black for the speech). ONE thing will guarantee failure and that is 'the fear of failure'. I developed a fear of being the reason we would lose a game in basketball. If you only shoot 3 or 4 times a game, you can't miss that many. There were many times that my team and coach needed me to shoot the ball more, but I usually didn't. I think the most shots I ever took in a game at Barclay was 9. I was a 3 year starter and captain for 3 years and I could only muster the courage to take 9 shots. To this day that makes me ill. I wasn't a bad shooter. In fact, I would usually win our team's 3 point contest. I would regularly light in up in pick up games. But when the game mattered, I didn't want it to be my fault if I missed. In 'fearing to fail', I failed the team and myself. It wasn't all bad. I had some good moments and even managed to score 15 points a few times. But for the most part, I didn't do what the team needed.
How do we cope with this? Well, Psalm 34:4 has something to say: I sought the Lord: He heard me and delivered me from all my fears.There is nothing to fear about failing. Henry Ford said, 'Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently'.Fear of failing took over many times in my sports life... I look back now and wonder, 'what was I afraid of exactly?'
A= Attitude
Here's a couple of quotes about attitude I found enlightening:
"What a man thinks of himself determines his fate" and "Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it"
I had a attitude problem, ok, I still have an attitude problem. I was very competitive and hated criticism. I wasn't always the best guy to coach, especially early on in High School and College. My freshman year was such an emotional mess that I wound up quitting the basketball team.... TWICE! Oh to have those choices back. You only get one shot at this time in life and like I said, I have many wonderful memories, but so many regrets as well. Technical fouls and Yellow cards were pretty standard for me..... what a silly way to spend what little time you have playing a game. Believe it or not you won't play pro ball and you will have only one shot at this. Don't embarrass yourself along the way. To this day I get waaaaay to worked up over sports. Sports is more about being relieved that my team didn't lose than being glad they won. Watching a UNC basketball game with me is an educational exercise on the mentally insane. If I watched a tape of me yelling at the umps at the Wichita State baseball games, I am sure I would feel silly. Competition isn't a bad thing, but the pride we bring to it is. Do you realize that most teams lose to end their season? Michael Jordan barely made 1/2 of his shots. A good baseball player only gets a hit 30% of the time and yet those of us with poor attitudes think that things should always go perfect. When they don't we melt down and make the children flee the living room. Confidence is great, arrogance is not. Always looking for conflict is not a healthy way of living, just ask my boy Dubya. It won't make you any friends. Neither will being difficult to deal with. You know some of the most obnoxious, hard-to-work-with-people I've ever known were fellow youth pastors back in the day when I did such things. You talk about hard to work with. It was frightening and sad. Saying you are a person of God, isn't a blank check for walking all over those around you. Read the red letters in your Bible; it's all about humility.
I= Ignorance
Making poor choices. There are a lot of bad choices that bring down a sports career, a ministry, a marriage, etc. Most of those bad choices are wrapped up in thinking that you are more important than everyone around you. Some of those bad choices come from thinking that you are indestructible.... you aren't. Don Herald said, 'It takes a lot to prove you're smart, but only one thing to prove you are ignorant."
To say you will make bad choices is like saying that you will get up everyday. What are some bad choices you may make?: You are going to choose a relationship that you maybe shouldn't. You are going to choose to drink or take something you shouldn't. You are going to choose to cheat when you shouldn't. You are going to opt for a lie, when the truth is too painful. You will put yourself above those around you. The most important aspect of 'Team' is the fact that you are willing to do whatever you have to do for the success of the team, within the confines of good sportsmanship and morality. It's the key to a ministry, the key to a marriage, the key to parenting.
I will never forget Len Bias. Bias was an all-american basketball player for the University of Maryland in the mid 80's. Even though I was a Tar Heel fan, I loved watching Len Bias play basketball. He was 6 foot 7 and had the body of a Greek God. I remember him scoring 36 points at UNC one night to beat my beloved Heels. I was working at Greensboro College the summer after Bias decided to go pro. He was picked 2nd in the NBA draft and was headed to the Boston Celtics. I couldn't wait for the Jordan vs Bias matchups. Then, while we were working, I heard the news on the radio that Len Bias had died of a drug overdose. I sat there stunned. I cried even. So much talent, so much promise, such an awful choice. That will live with me forever.
Making ignorant choices are a part of life; recovering from them and learning are a part of success. I quit playing baseball in the 11th grade after I had already been told that I could possibly play in college if I would just work a bit harder. I thought I was above playing for my High School coach, so I quit. Nice move. As I mentioned earlier, I liked a girl my freshman year at Barclay (the Friends Bible College), she liked someone else. I holed up in my dorm room and listened to lots of Van Halen and quit the basketball team. Another banner moment. It may not seem fair that you can undo a lifetime of good with one bad choice, but that is just the way it is. I'm sure Eve thought, 'it's just a freaking apple'. Well, she probably didn't say freaking.
L= Laziness
I heard two sports guys going at it the other day on ESPN because one guy said that some guys are just born better than others. The other gentlemen said, 'no, most great athletes are great because they outwork everyone else.' I have to agree with the latter. As much of a good shooter as I thought I was at one time or that I could be, I NEVER shot 500 jump shots a day for a summer. I NEVER dribbled the ball for hours trying to get a better left hand. Musically, I started playing guitar when I was 12 and my teacher said I was a natural. I was playing 'Stairway to Heaven' and 'Sweet Home Alabama' just weeks after starting. I remember him telling me that I had the potential to really do some great playing some day if I was just play 4-5 hours a day. He even formed a 'boy band' with some of his sons' friends and we played in a barn for hours. I will always hate 'Sweet Home Alabama'.
Can you guess what I did? I learned the intro to about every Van Halen song, but never the whole song. Why? I had better things to do. I got very lazy about it. I have always been able to pick things up quickly, but never the focus to become great at any one thing. Robert Half said, 'Laziness is the secret ingredient that goes into failure'. CS Lewis said, 'Laziness always means more work in the end'. Amen to that. Daily discipline isn't just a catchy book title, it's also the key to succeeding whether it's in sports, marriage, ministry or anything else. You may want a bigger church, but sitting in your office ain't gonna get it done. You may want run 5 miles, but the 1 mile of Twizzlers you just ate will prevent that run. I wish I could shoot in the 70's in golf, but I golf 4 times a year. We are lazy in our faith as well. The Christian music artist Keith Green (who was killed in a plane crash over 25 years ago) wrote a song that had this line in it: "Jesus rose from the dead, but you, you can't even get out of bed". Ouch.
______________________________
So what do we do? Do we give into failure and the 4 keys to failing or is there another answer? Thomas Edison said, 'Many of life's failures are people who didn't realize how close they were to success when they gave up?' And it's not just in giving up do we fall short. It's giving into fear, attitude, ignorant choices and laziness. What does God offer us? Can we seek him out? Well, I don't believe that you allow God in on some things and shut him out of other things. If you are looking for success in anything then you will only find it with God's help. In the movie FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, the head football coach keeps asking his players a question: Can you be perfect? He wants them to challenge themselves on what they can bring to the team. Well, the Bible says the same thing only with a twist. BE YE PERFECT is our call. But how does that happen? Is it of our doing? Can we really be perfect in sports, life, ministry, marriage, etc? God does more that just 'coach us' on perfection, he takes a much more active role: Here's how CS Lewis puts it:
When He said, 'be perfect', He meant it. He meant that we must go in for the full treatment. It is hard, but the sort of compromise we are all hankering after is harder--in fact, it is impossible. I think He is saying, "The only help I will give is help to become perfect. You may want something less; but I will give you nothing less. Make no mistake, if you let me I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less, or other, than that. You have free will and if you choose, you can push Me Away. But if you do not push Me away, understand that I am going to see this job through. Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life.....whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect---until My Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He as well pleased with me. This I can do and will do. But I will not do anything less.
You see sports are a great thing I think. But they aren't everything. Even though my dad and I think the world is ending when the Shockers get a bad call, the final score just isn't' that important. They are a part of all that we do in this life that helps to shape and mold us. It isn't about winning and losing, it's about seeing yourself for who you really are. It's about coming together with teammates and going after goals. It's about love, brotherhood and sisterhood. There's more at stake in how you play a game than the final score. If you approach sports or life with Fear, Attitude, Ignorance and Laziness you will spell out how to Fail. But if you open yourself up to something bigger than yourself, if you open yourself up to someone bigger than you and allow Him to have your fears, curve your attitude, lessen your ignorance and shake you from your lazy slumber then the whole world will open up and you will see your way to success. True success is how God sees you. It's not in scoreboards, stat sheets, record books or even how many you have attending your new church. Does my spouse love me? Do my kids trust me? Do I say what I'll do then do what I say? It's question like this that measure success.
There are FOUR ways to Fail.... but really there is only ONE way to succeed and become Perfect. Choose wisely young people. This Merry-Go-Round of life may seem long, but soon you will be 36 years old, 20....OR FORTY pounds overweight..... and looking back instead of looking forward. Give yourself to the Lord and prepare yourself for new possibilities.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
McChurches
I've been thinking a lot about McDonalds.
I am in awe that this little burger stand has sold billions of hamburgers. You and I both know that, for the most part, their burgers are not really very good when compared to all the other boy and girl burgers. They aren't always very warm. The fact that the cow that donated that part of itself was killed months ago is bothersome. If you like pickles, I dare you to try and get a pickle taste in each bite. I remember as a child we went to a McDonald's and my dad was annoyed with the amount of 'pickleage'. One of the pimply faced teenagers working at this particular location in Greensboro, NC, was out on the main floor sweeping up all the scraps from the days feasting. As he swept, my dad noticed a pickle on the floor and asked the kid if he could have that pickle since they couldn't find it in their hearts to put one on his burger. Ahhhhhh, now those are memories you hang on to. :-)
So what's the deal? Why do we flock to McDonald's by the billions and make sure that it becomes the key remedy to cure a crying child in a mini-van? Well, it's obvious isn't it? McDonalds has several things that give it mass appeal: 1) it's cheap 2) they have been around for most of our lifetimes 3) they put toys in the food 4) and an addictive chemical in their fries that make you crave for it nightly and finally, 5) a big, shiny 'M' that dominates the highway. Sure, they could make a better product and with millions dying every year of 'largeness' they are even offering salads now. But for the most part, they are simply giving us what we want and what we think we deserve.
I'm starting to frown on 'mega-churches'. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's as easy as saying because I don't go to one. I just don't get the appeal of a 5,000 member church. I have always felt that the key to a great church was 'community'. It's great to attend somewhere and have people their that know your name, your likes, dislikes and even your baggage. I don't see how a church the size of Pratt gives you that. What I think 'most', not all, mega-churches do is they give you a 'McChurch'. It's fast, easy, big signs, lots of toys, 'pretty' staff members, etc. What they don't seem to give you is substance in your daily spiritual diet. There isn't a lot of meat in their meat, if you get my meaning. The whole goal seems to be to be able to add to the tote board: Over 6 Billion attending. By telling you how pretty you are and how wealthy you can be, they pull you in by the thousands.
Why is it that the goal of a small church is to get bigger? I know the goal SHOULD be to win more people to Christ, but why must those new converts attend your church? Shouldn't the tote board read: Over 6 Billion Saved!? I think so. Every time I read a story of someone that started a church of 50 and now it has over 5,000 attending, I always think, 'how sad'. I'm not the most social person in the world so if I'm worshiping with 50 people in my community and 5,000 show up the next week, I'm leaving like Donald Trumps next wife.
I'm not saying I'm right... I'm just not into the 'watch us grow' theology of church planting. How bout 'watch us sow'.
In the 80's, one of my favorite shows was Cheers. I know, it's set in a bar where people drink and apparently drinkers all go to hell, or something like that, I may be off in the translation of said verse. But what was it that was so great about that show?
For one thing, they had community. When a certain large man walked in everyday, what was said? "NORM!". It had Cliff Claven (sp?)the mail-man, jack of all trades, and knower of all things. Woody, the innocent, naive kid from Indiana. Carla, the loyal wife, loving mother who absolutely told you what she thought. Sam, the 'wanna-be' a teenager for life, former ball player, ladies man, bartender. The key to the show was in the theme song:
'You wanna go where everybody knows your name'. Amen to that.
Think about Jesus and his choices for ministry. There was really nothing mega about them when you think about it. He preached to multitudes, but usually ones that followed Him somewhere outside of town. Mostly he was seen in Taverns, houses, street corners, poor neighborhoods, 'sinners' houses, etc. About the only time he went into the 'mega church' of the day was to shake them up and scold them about the widows and orphans that weren't being cared for... Or to hammer them for the greed they had brought into the house of God (yeah, bigger sometimes just means greedier).
I'm not saying you shouldn't go to 'The Church of a Thousand Lakes', but I'm just saying that I don't want to go. I think there is a place for small churches. I think there's a place for cell churches, churches in homes, churches in the park and even churches in the bar. It's really about one thing: Community. A Community that loves people in Christ and for Christ. Who's to say you can't lead someone to the Lord and then let them attend a different church that feeds them well?
I will now admit that I have been convicted about something. In my pompousness of telling you what church should be, I will say that I go to church about once every 2 months. I would like to say it's because of my Railroad schedule, but we've lied enough for one night. No, I'm bitter about some things from the past and I haven't found a 'Community' that I like. When I go to church, it usually isn't fun. It's stressful to get everyone ready and fed on time. (What's the deal with being there so early all about?)I usually am too critical of things like the music or the preaching. There is always one guy or lady that HAS to speak every week and they usually cry. I shouldn't be annoyed by that, but I am. Why so sad, I wonder?
Donald Miller writes in his book 'Blue Like Jazz' that there is a way to go to church without getting angry. Here are his 3 keys:
* Pray that God will show you a church filled with people who share your interests and values.
* Go to the church God shows you.
* Don't hold grudges against any other churches. God loves those churches almost as much as He loves yours.
I need to find a church, a community. My friends and I have talked about starting a Community based cell church. Sounds good. I would love that. It's funny, I want to share Christ with people but I don't necessarily want to go to church with them. That's probably wrong, but you know what I'm talking about don't you? 'McChurches' are filled with people that I think are great people; better than me in fact. But I wouldn't feel community with them. I like small groups and intimacy. I don't like smoke, lights and lots of really pretty people pretending they are happy. I mean, I'm not happy so how can they be? :-)
Here's to Church, whatever fits your style. Better yet, here's to Community. Here's to loving others regardless of what they look like or where they live. Here's to being in a community of believers that doesn't care what the tote board says about their popularity. Here's to doing something other than singing the same songs, shaking the same hands and hearing the same sermons.
Here's to me getting off my self-righteous butt and going to church. See you Sunday.
I am in awe that this little burger stand has sold billions of hamburgers. You and I both know that, for the most part, their burgers are not really very good when compared to all the other boy and girl burgers. They aren't always very warm. The fact that the cow that donated that part of itself was killed months ago is bothersome. If you like pickles, I dare you to try and get a pickle taste in each bite. I remember as a child we went to a McDonald's and my dad was annoyed with the amount of 'pickleage'. One of the pimply faced teenagers working at this particular location in Greensboro, NC, was out on the main floor sweeping up all the scraps from the days feasting. As he swept, my dad noticed a pickle on the floor and asked the kid if he could have that pickle since they couldn't find it in their hearts to put one on his burger. Ahhhhhh, now those are memories you hang on to. :-)
So what's the deal? Why do we flock to McDonald's by the billions and make sure that it becomes the key remedy to cure a crying child in a mini-van? Well, it's obvious isn't it? McDonalds has several things that give it mass appeal: 1) it's cheap 2) they have been around for most of our lifetimes 3) they put toys in the food 4) and an addictive chemical in their fries that make you crave for it nightly and finally, 5) a big, shiny 'M' that dominates the highway. Sure, they could make a better product and with millions dying every year of 'largeness' they are even offering salads now. But for the most part, they are simply giving us what we want and what we think we deserve.
I'm starting to frown on 'mega-churches'. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's as easy as saying because I don't go to one. I just don't get the appeal of a 5,000 member church. I have always felt that the key to a great church was 'community'. It's great to attend somewhere and have people their that know your name, your likes, dislikes and even your baggage. I don't see how a church the size of Pratt gives you that. What I think 'most', not all, mega-churches do is they give you a 'McChurch'. It's fast, easy, big signs, lots of toys, 'pretty' staff members, etc. What they don't seem to give you is substance in your daily spiritual diet. There isn't a lot of meat in their meat, if you get my meaning. The whole goal seems to be to be able to add to the tote board: Over 6 Billion attending. By telling you how pretty you are and how wealthy you can be, they pull you in by the thousands.
Why is it that the goal of a small church is to get bigger? I know the goal SHOULD be to win more people to Christ, but why must those new converts attend your church? Shouldn't the tote board read: Over 6 Billion Saved!? I think so. Every time I read a story of someone that started a church of 50 and now it has over 5,000 attending, I always think, 'how sad'. I'm not the most social person in the world so if I'm worshiping with 50 people in my community and 5,000 show up the next week, I'm leaving like Donald Trumps next wife.
I'm not saying I'm right... I'm just not into the 'watch us grow' theology of church planting. How bout 'watch us sow'.
In the 80's, one of my favorite shows was Cheers. I know, it's set in a bar where people drink and apparently drinkers all go to hell, or something like that, I may be off in the translation of said verse. But what was it that was so great about that show?
For one thing, they had community. When a certain large man walked in everyday, what was said? "NORM!". It had Cliff Claven (sp?)the mail-man, jack of all trades, and knower of all things. Woody, the innocent, naive kid from Indiana. Carla, the loyal wife, loving mother who absolutely told you what she thought. Sam, the 'wanna-be' a teenager for life, former ball player, ladies man, bartender. The key to the show was in the theme song:
'You wanna go where everybody knows your name'. Amen to that.
Think about Jesus and his choices for ministry. There was really nothing mega about them when you think about it. He preached to multitudes, but usually ones that followed Him somewhere outside of town. Mostly he was seen in Taverns, houses, street corners, poor neighborhoods, 'sinners' houses, etc. About the only time he went into the 'mega church' of the day was to shake them up and scold them about the widows and orphans that weren't being cared for... Or to hammer them for the greed they had brought into the house of God (yeah, bigger sometimes just means greedier).
I'm not saying you shouldn't go to 'The Church of a Thousand Lakes', but I'm just saying that I don't want to go. I think there is a place for small churches. I think there's a place for cell churches, churches in homes, churches in the park and even churches in the bar. It's really about one thing: Community. A Community that loves people in Christ and for Christ. Who's to say you can't lead someone to the Lord and then let them attend a different church that feeds them well?
I will now admit that I have been convicted about something. In my pompousness of telling you what church should be, I will say that I go to church about once every 2 months. I would like to say it's because of my Railroad schedule, but we've lied enough for one night. No, I'm bitter about some things from the past and I haven't found a 'Community' that I like. When I go to church, it usually isn't fun. It's stressful to get everyone ready and fed on time. (What's the deal with being there so early all about?)I usually am too critical of things like the music or the preaching. There is always one guy or lady that HAS to speak every week and they usually cry. I shouldn't be annoyed by that, but I am. Why so sad, I wonder?
Donald Miller writes in his book 'Blue Like Jazz' that there is a way to go to church without getting angry. Here are his 3 keys:
* Pray that God will show you a church filled with people who share your interests and values.
* Go to the church God shows you.
* Don't hold grudges against any other churches. God loves those churches almost as much as He loves yours.
I need to find a church, a community. My friends and I have talked about starting a Community based cell church. Sounds good. I would love that. It's funny, I want to share Christ with people but I don't necessarily want to go to church with them. That's probably wrong, but you know what I'm talking about don't you? 'McChurches' are filled with people that I think are great people; better than me in fact. But I wouldn't feel community with them. I like small groups and intimacy. I don't like smoke, lights and lots of really pretty people pretending they are happy. I mean, I'm not happy so how can they be? :-)
Here's to Church, whatever fits your style. Better yet, here's to Community. Here's to loving others regardless of what they look like or where they live. Here's to being in a community of believers that doesn't care what the tote board says about their popularity. Here's to doing something other than singing the same songs, shaking the same hands and hearing the same sermons.
Here's to me getting off my self-righteous butt and going to church. See you Sunday.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
The Triangle of Death
Interesting title huh? Whatever could Robinson be talking about now? Well, it's sort of about death, but it's more about how to cope, survive, move on and live.
My wife has recently started watching Grey's Anatomy, airing on Sunday nights. I watch it with her because it has some good writing and she watches so many of my favorite shows. It's really not too bad of a show. I mean, it's 'ER' and 'Desperate Housewives' and it has no Jack Bauer, but I find it entertaining. It is a bit predictable because it's struggling professionals who all want to sleep with each other. Big reach for Hollywood, I know. Side note: How come all these characters in all these shows never figure out that sleeping with someone after one date, never ends well? They always seem so 'heart broken' about the outcome. Anyhoo....
Sunday's show (May 7th) was good and it really got me to thinking about something. The title of the episode was 'Damage Case'. I'll spare you a run down of who's who, but the part of the show that made me pause it and talk to my wife about it was this:
A family (mom, dad, daughter, son-in-law) were all brought in to the emergency room after being hit by a driver that had fallen asleep. Everyone seemed to be in pretty good shape until some major complications developed with the daughter, who was pregnant. She had come in chatting away with her husband, father, mother, etc. but once they started running tests on her they discovered that because her adrenaline had worn off, she was seen to be suffering from catastrophic internal injuries. Every surgeon was called in and they were going to group operate on her.
One doctor worked on her heart, another on her stomach and internal organs, another monitored the baby, the head of surgery for the hospital was also present. The head surgeon said this when they were all frantically working on the girl: "Once she enters the triangle, we all back away.... do we agree?" The triangle turned out to be 'the triangle of death'. Essentially they were going to be putting her battered body through so much, that if they went too far she was assured of death. Once the signs were seen, they were to back away, cover her up (not sew her up) and give her body a chance to work its own healing. The moment occurred when the head of surgery told everyone to back away and though some hesitated, they all did and she was wheeled out of the room.
It was explained to her parents why they were doing this. Her body was so broken that multiple surgeries were taking place at once... she couldn't handle that for long. They were looking at a fine line of waiting too long to go back in and going back in too soon. It was risky and her chances were not very good. With all those people working on her, one of the best solutions for her was to just leave her alone and see what the body itself would do.
I was fascinated by this and it got me to thinking. I think we are all wounded in some way. Some of us have emotional wounds, some physical wounds. Some of us are dying spiritually and some of us are watching marriages struggle. We have issues from the past and heartaches from the present. We seem to always be needed some sort of 'personal surgery' to fix what's wrong with us. Most of us are like the pregnant girl and we are feeling the need to have multiple things worked on at once. But here's my thought:
God created ever aspect of our beings. He is in control, if we let Him, of all that happens to us. It is said that our physical bodies are amazing at what they can recover and heal from on their own. What about our souls or spirits if you like? I tend to think they have that same power to heal. I think we are trying to fix too much stuff at one time and we are entering the 'triangle of death'. We have so many hands and voices on our problems that we aren't allowing God to do what He can do. Have you ever been so out of sorts that you have screamed, 'GOD! Where are you?! Why aren't You helping me?! I sure have. But what if God is simply taking a step back, because if He does too much with too many of your problems, you won't handle it and it would kill you? What if He is allowing your mind, body and spirit the chance to relax and heal?
Recently I've been trying to fix everything about me. That's a lot of stuff. Spiritually I'm not where I should be. Financially, I'm off stride. Physically I am one order of bacon away from being 'large'. Mentally, well.... anyway. I have been reading more books than ever. I've read all of Donald Miller's books, CS Lewis' stuff, 'Wild at Heart' by John Eldrige and so on. I get together with my friends and we talk about what failures we are as husbands, men, fathers... it's great fun.
I think I've reached the point where I feel like the more I try to fix in myself, my world, my friends and so forth, the closer to death I'm getting. Maybe God is telling me that it's time to relax and rest and let Him do what He does so well... Heal.
We all have issues that need to be dealt with. But I think we often get too many things going at once and feel the need to fix all of them RIGHT NOW. You've heard the sayings, 'too many chefs in the kitchen', 'too many irons on the fire', 'too many Duke fans in Kansas', ok, I made that one up. But you get the point. We are so busy trying to fix so much in ourselves and in others that all we are doing is pushing things closer to the 'triangle of death'. It's time to rest.
What if I can't fix my spiritual issues tomorrow or my physical issues, or my financial issues, my 'ministry or railroad' issues, my 'politicians are scum' issues, etc. Maybe it's ok. Maybe my head of Surgery, God, is saying, 'Let him rest. I'll monitor him and I'll know when to open him back up.' They don't call him
'The Great Physician' for nothing you know. ;-) Maybe there's a church out there that wants a passionate pastor that curses a bit. Maybe I'll give my wife a great gift and just being content with where I am. Maybe I'll get smarter with my money. Maybe I'll start helping my friends grow instead of helping them stay where they are. Who knows.... but for now, I need to rest and let myself heal a bit. All together now... BREATHE!!!!
By the way, the girl died, but her baby lived.
That's why I love '24', everyone dies.... Except for Jack Bauer.
My wife has recently started watching Grey's Anatomy, airing on Sunday nights. I watch it with her because it has some good writing and she watches so many of my favorite shows. It's really not too bad of a show. I mean, it's 'ER' and 'Desperate Housewives' and it has no Jack Bauer, but I find it entertaining. It is a bit predictable because it's struggling professionals who all want to sleep with each other. Big reach for Hollywood, I know. Side note: How come all these characters in all these shows never figure out that sleeping with someone after one date, never ends well? They always seem so 'heart broken' about the outcome. Anyhoo....
Sunday's show (May 7th) was good and it really got me to thinking about something. The title of the episode was 'Damage Case'. I'll spare you a run down of who's who, but the part of the show that made me pause it and talk to my wife about it was this:
A family (mom, dad, daughter, son-in-law) were all brought in to the emergency room after being hit by a driver that had fallen asleep. Everyone seemed to be in pretty good shape until some major complications developed with the daughter, who was pregnant. She had come in chatting away with her husband, father, mother, etc. but once they started running tests on her they discovered that because her adrenaline had worn off, she was seen to be suffering from catastrophic internal injuries. Every surgeon was called in and they were going to group operate on her.
One doctor worked on her heart, another on her stomach and internal organs, another monitored the baby, the head of surgery for the hospital was also present. The head surgeon said this when they were all frantically working on the girl: "Once she enters the triangle, we all back away.... do we agree?" The triangle turned out to be 'the triangle of death'. Essentially they were going to be putting her battered body through so much, that if they went too far she was assured of death. Once the signs were seen, they were to back away, cover her up (not sew her up) and give her body a chance to work its own healing. The moment occurred when the head of surgery told everyone to back away and though some hesitated, they all did and she was wheeled out of the room.
It was explained to her parents why they were doing this. Her body was so broken that multiple surgeries were taking place at once... she couldn't handle that for long. They were looking at a fine line of waiting too long to go back in and going back in too soon. It was risky and her chances were not very good. With all those people working on her, one of the best solutions for her was to just leave her alone and see what the body itself would do.
I was fascinated by this and it got me to thinking. I think we are all wounded in some way. Some of us have emotional wounds, some physical wounds. Some of us are dying spiritually and some of us are watching marriages struggle. We have issues from the past and heartaches from the present. We seem to always be needed some sort of 'personal surgery' to fix what's wrong with us. Most of us are like the pregnant girl and we are feeling the need to have multiple things worked on at once. But here's my thought:
God created ever aspect of our beings. He is in control, if we let Him, of all that happens to us. It is said that our physical bodies are amazing at what they can recover and heal from on their own. What about our souls or spirits if you like? I tend to think they have that same power to heal. I think we are trying to fix too much stuff at one time and we are entering the 'triangle of death'. We have so many hands and voices on our problems that we aren't allowing God to do what He can do. Have you ever been so out of sorts that you have screamed, 'GOD! Where are you?! Why aren't You helping me?! I sure have. But what if God is simply taking a step back, because if He does too much with too many of your problems, you won't handle it and it would kill you? What if He is allowing your mind, body and spirit the chance to relax and heal?
Recently I've been trying to fix everything about me. That's a lot of stuff. Spiritually I'm not where I should be. Financially, I'm off stride. Physically I am one order of bacon away from being 'large'. Mentally, well.... anyway. I have been reading more books than ever. I've read all of Donald Miller's books, CS Lewis' stuff, 'Wild at Heart' by John Eldrige and so on. I get together with my friends and we talk about what failures we are as husbands, men, fathers... it's great fun.
I think I've reached the point where I feel like the more I try to fix in myself, my world, my friends and so forth, the closer to death I'm getting. Maybe God is telling me that it's time to relax and rest and let Him do what He does so well... Heal.
We all have issues that need to be dealt with. But I think we often get too many things going at once and feel the need to fix all of them RIGHT NOW. You've heard the sayings, 'too many chefs in the kitchen', 'too many irons on the fire', 'too many Duke fans in Kansas', ok, I made that one up. But you get the point. We are so busy trying to fix so much in ourselves and in others that all we are doing is pushing things closer to the 'triangle of death'. It's time to rest.
What if I can't fix my spiritual issues tomorrow or my physical issues, or my financial issues, my 'ministry or railroad' issues, my 'politicians are scum' issues, etc. Maybe it's ok. Maybe my head of Surgery, God, is saying, 'Let him rest. I'll monitor him and I'll know when to open him back up.' They don't call him
'The Great Physician' for nothing you know. ;-) Maybe there's a church out there that wants a passionate pastor that curses a bit. Maybe I'll give my wife a great gift and just being content with where I am. Maybe I'll get smarter with my money. Maybe I'll start helping my friends grow instead of helping them stay where they are. Who knows.... but for now, I need to rest and let myself heal a bit. All together now... BREATHE!!!!
By the way, the girl died, but her baby lived.
That's why I love '24', everyone dies.... Except for Jack Bauer.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
April 12, 2006
It's April 12, 2006.
What a beautiful day. My wife and I decided to do some yard work today so I broke out both of our mowers (one electric, the other gas) and starting mowing. After blowing up the electric mower (which I knew would happen) I switched to the gas one and finished up. (Who mows with an electric mower? Honestly) Konnie spent her time spraying weeds. The poor weeds never had a chance really. My wife has read every Martha Stewart gardening issue and it was like the Navy Seals vs the High School ROTC... she just hammered away at them.
April 12, 2006.
After mowing the dirt, I thought I should plant some grass so that next time I might actually get to mow some of the green stuff and not re-enact the dust bowl of the 30's. I went and bought some bags of seed and starting 'sowing'. I pulled out the water hose and began watering my new little friends, preparing them for their future execution. Konnie had finished up and was on the front porch swinging getting a kick out of me watering my leg more than the yard. She mentioned how happy she was. I said, 'you don't want to move do you?'. She said, 'well, I've been walking a lot and I'm tired'. I said, 'I don't mean that. I mean you don't want to leave this house'. She smiled and said, 'I do love this little house'. She's always smiling.
April 12, 2006.
After watering some of the yard and all of my right pant leg, she invited me to join her on the swing. We instantly went into 'old couple' mode and started commenting on the beauty of the day. About then our oldest son Kaden got home from school and as he was getting off the bus, I thought to myself that he is getting so big, so fast. Konnie told Kaden that his little brother Kenyon was over at the park if he wanted to he could go play. Off he went....
April 12, 2006.
As we watched our boys play, we just sat there silently. The wind was just pushing enough air to cool our immediate space and the trees were singing their tune of peace and contentment. I looked over at Konnie and she was just about to get teary when she mentioned how great our kids are and how old they're getting. I nodded in agreement and watched her watch the boys. You could tell she was already envisioning drivers ed, proms, what type of girl they would date, (I just hope they date girls), what college would they go to, etc. So many good days lie ahead.
April 12, 2006.
We often live life ex post facto; everything is in the rear view mirror and we are constantly trying to hit rewind. I know I do. I think things like, 'I wish I would have shot more in basketball', 'I wish I had stuck with baseball', 'I wish I had gone to Wichita State', 'I wish I wouldn't have been such a lousy husband the first time and not much better now', 'I wish I wasn't such an idiot some of the time', 'I wish I would watch my language', 'I wish I had a clue', 'I wish I would practice guitar everyday', 'why am I such a loser', etc, etc, etc.
Then, as the wind was blowing, I felt a voice say, 'Hey, you are talking about someone I love'. I looked up and said, 'Thanks God'.
My boys just played on laughing, running, full of life and confidence that they were going to be taken care of in this life. Such a great thing... family, hope, life.
April 12, 2006.
Later in the day I got called to work. I was hoping to go to the Wichita State baseball game, but the Railroad thought it best that I go sit on a train for 10 hours. I'm not sure why they always think that. It was a long night and when I finally got done I starting driving home very annoyed that it was 3:00am. I started listening to my XM radio and heard stories of death in Iraq, protests from immigrants, gas prices rising, Natalie Holloway still missing and the whole time I'm getting worked up over all of it.
On Iraq I begin to think that Thomas Hobbes was right; people aren't capable of governing themselves. On immigration I began to think, 'why come here illegally to fly the flag of the nation you risked your life to flee from?' On gas prices I think, 'no way do Oil Executives get to go to Heaven'. On Natalie Holloway I think, 'she's dead'. The more the drive went, the worse my mood got. IS THERE NOTHING GOOD GOING ON? Why all the sadness? Everyday it's the same thing from the same people on the same channels. Have we all gone mad? I'll never get these houses sold! I'm sick of my job! Barry Bonds should quit! The house better be clean! I better not be working tomorrow or someone's going to hear about it! Blah, blah, blah, blah... ad nauseum.
Then the announcer comes on and says, 'Good Morning, it's 4:00 April 13th 2006'.
April 13, 2006.
How quickly we forget..... *sigh*.
What a beautiful day. My wife and I decided to do some yard work today so I broke out both of our mowers (one electric, the other gas) and starting mowing. After blowing up the electric mower (which I knew would happen) I switched to the gas one and finished up. (Who mows with an electric mower? Honestly) Konnie spent her time spraying weeds. The poor weeds never had a chance really. My wife has read every Martha Stewart gardening issue and it was like the Navy Seals vs the High School ROTC... she just hammered away at them.
April 12, 2006.
After mowing the dirt, I thought I should plant some grass so that next time I might actually get to mow some of the green stuff and not re-enact the dust bowl of the 30's. I went and bought some bags of seed and starting 'sowing'. I pulled out the water hose and began watering my new little friends, preparing them for their future execution. Konnie had finished up and was on the front porch swinging getting a kick out of me watering my leg more than the yard. She mentioned how happy she was. I said, 'you don't want to move do you?'. She said, 'well, I've been walking a lot and I'm tired'. I said, 'I don't mean that. I mean you don't want to leave this house'. She smiled and said, 'I do love this little house'. She's always smiling.
April 12, 2006.
After watering some of the yard and all of my right pant leg, she invited me to join her on the swing. We instantly went into 'old couple' mode and started commenting on the beauty of the day. About then our oldest son Kaden got home from school and as he was getting off the bus, I thought to myself that he is getting so big, so fast. Konnie told Kaden that his little brother Kenyon was over at the park if he wanted to he could go play. Off he went....
April 12, 2006.
As we watched our boys play, we just sat there silently. The wind was just pushing enough air to cool our immediate space and the trees were singing their tune of peace and contentment. I looked over at Konnie and she was just about to get teary when she mentioned how great our kids are and how old they're getting. I nodded in agreement and watched her watch the boys. You could tell she was already envisioning drivers ed, proms, what type of girl they would date, (I just hope they date girls), what college would they go to, etc. So many good days lie ahead.
April 12, 2006.
We often live life ex post facto; everything is in the rear view mirror and we are constantly trying to hit rewind. I know I do. I think things like, 'I wish I would have shot more in basketball', 'I wish I had stuck with baseball', 'I wish I had gone to Wichita State', 'I wish I wouldn't have been such a lousy husband the first time and not much better now', 'I wish I wasn't such an idiot some of the time', 'I wish I would watch my language', 'I wish I had a clue', 'I wish I would practice guitar everyday', 'why am I such a loser', etc, etc, etc.
Then, as the wind was blowing, I felt a voice say, 'Hey, you are talking about someone I love'. I looked up and said, 'Thanks God'.
My boys just played on laughing, running, full of life and confidence that they were going to be taken care of in this life. Such a great thing... family, hope, life.
April 12, 2006.
Later in the day I got called to work. I was hoping to go to the Wichita State baseball game, but the Railroad thought it best that I go sit on a train for 10 hours. I'm not sure why they always think that. It was a long night and when I finally got done I starting driving home very annoyed that it was 3:00am. I started listening to my XM radio and heard stories of death in Iraq, protests from immigrants, gas prices rising, Natalie Holloway still missing and the whole time I'm getting worked up over all of it.
On Iraq I begin to think that Thomas Hobbes was right; people aren't capable of governing themselves. On immigration I began to think, 'why come here illegally to fly the flag of the nation you risked your life to flee from?' On gas prices I think, 'no way do Oil Executives get to go to Heaven'. On Natalie Holloway I think, 'she's dead'. The more the drive went, the worse my mood got. IS THERE NOTHING GOOD GOING ON? Why all the sadness? Everyday it's the same thing from the same people on the same channels. Have we all gone mad? I'll never get these houses sold! I'm sick of my job! Barry Bonds should quit! The house better be clean! I better not be working tomorrow or someone's going to hear about it! Blah, blah, blah, blah... ad nauseum.
Then the announcer comes on and says, 'Good Morning, it's 4:00 April 13th 2006'.
April 13, 2006.
How quickly we forget..... *sigh*.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Let the little children come to me
Today was yet another sad day for my family. In the past 30 years, the Robinson side of my family has seen too many children leave this earth at far too young of ages. Almost 30 years ago, I lost 4 cousins in a car/train accident. A few years later the surviving cousin from that accident was lost due to a heart condition. I've seen 2 of my cousins lose small children, one was but a baby. Today another of my cousins, Steve and his wife Barbie, lost their 2 year old daughter, Sarah. She was involved in an awful drowning accident a few days ago and today she went home to be with the Lord.
"Let the little children come to me"
Recently I have been hammering my way through the Bible. I have renewed my passion for the Word and I have wanted to go through it word by word and fine some meaning to all that is around me. Although I have a minor in 'Bible Theology' there is just so much that I didn't get and still don't. Every time I read God's word something new catches my eye. I'm never sure if I'm reading it the right way or in the right context, but sometimes the words just jump out.
After first hearing about this horrible accident involving this sweet, little girl, I went to the Word. I wanted to find hope for her, I wanted to find the miracle recipe that I felt was there. I read where Jesus said, 'If you have the faith of a Mustard seed you can say to this mountain 'move' and it will move....' "I have that faith Lord, heal Sarah". I read, 'Where 2 or more of you are gathered in my name, I will be there also....' "Lord, there are hundreds praying, heal Sarah". I read, 'for man this impossible, but with God nothing is impossible'. "Lord, they don't give her much chance, heal Sarah". This went on all night. I truly believed that surely in this instance, that for just this one time, God would show Himself and 2 wonderful parents might be spared the pain of losing a child.
"Let the little Children come to me."
As today went on, I kept in contact with my dad. The updates got worse and worse. While little Sarah had fought hard and had shown signs of progress, it was just too much for her body. They were calling the family in to say goodbye. Goodbye....
But why? "Lord, I've read it. I believe it. Now, DO IT!!!" That was my cry. Not again, not another child dying in this family....
"Let the little children come to me."
When I called my dad again later, he told me that Sarah had gone to be with God. The family gathered around and Sarah's lifeless body was placed in her mom's lap so that she could hold her little girl one last time. There aren't enough tears in the world to cover that scene. Even though I was in a van coming back from a train trip, I couldn't hold my own tears in. I heard of Sarah's father Steve, really keeping everyone together. What a great dad he is. Of Barbie holding her little girl with all the love a mom could give... there aren't enough moms like her.
"Let the little children come to me."
At first I didn't want to read my Bible again, I somehow was scared that I would lash out at God. I felt the flickery, fire of anger buring deep in me. Grief soon turns to anger and I didn't want to say and think things that I would regret. But I had to read.... I had to know. Why? What did I miss?
Then I saw it. I had read it several times earlier in the week and it was the first passage I opened to. Matthew 19: 13-15:
"Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them. Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.' When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there"
"Let the little children come to me."
I had missed it indeed. I've said before, though it's so hard to understand, that we are not meant for this world. We are meant for something far greater. This isn't the end at all for those that believe in Christ, but merely a 'layover' spot. As I begin to understand just how much Jesus loves children I couldn't help but think of my 2 boys. I don't know that I could ever survive something happening to them. It seems like only yesterday that Kaden was in ICU fighting for his life. But the tighter I hold on to my boys and the more I try and protect them, I still hear the sweet, soft voice of Jesus saying, 'Let the little children come to me'. I can look in Kenyon's eyes and see his mom and I look in Kaden's eyes and see my baby blues, but to look deeper is to see the heart of God. You see, for me to truly love my boys I must give them to the Lord. They're His to watch over and to guide. I must do my part, but in the end they really aren't mine.
Sarah is home with her Heavenly Father. I'm not sure why it happened now and I'm not sure how long any of us have on this earth, but I am steadily becoming convinced of one truth: We have to give everything over to God. We have to give our needs, our wants, our problems, our joys, our smiles, our tears, and yes, even our kids.
May God bless Steve and Barbie and their remaining children. May God grant them peace in what must be the worst of storms. May God help all of us appreciate what time we have together and what time we have with our kids. They are precious little gifts from Heaven and we owe it to their 'Father' to love them and guide them while they are under our care.
I'm gonna go hug those boys now.....
"Let the little children come to me"
Recently I have been hammering my way through the Bible. I have renewed my passion for the Word and I have wanted to go through it word by word and fine some meaning to all that is around me. Although I have a minor in 'Bible Theology' there is just so much that I didn't get and still don't. Every time I read God's word something new catches my eye. I'm never sure if I'm reading it the right way or in the right context, but sometimes the words just jump out.
After first hearing about this horrible accident involving this sweet, little girl, I went to the Word. I wanted to find hope for her, I wanted to find the miracle recipe that I felt was there. I read where Jesus said, 'If you have the faith of a Mustard seed you can say to this mountain 'move' and it will move....' "I have that faith Lord, heal Sarah". I read, 'Where 2 or more of you are gathered in my name, I will be there also....' "Lord, there are hundreds praying, heal Sarah". I read, 'for man this impossible, but with God nothing is impossible'. "Lord, they don't give her much chance, heal Sarah". This went on all night. I truly believed that surely in this instance, that for just this one time, God would show Himself and 2 wonderful parents might be spared the pain of losing a child.
"Let the little Children come to me."
As today went on, I kept in contact with my dad. The updates got worse and worse. While little Sarah had fought hard and had shown signs of progress, it was just too much for her body. They were calling the family in to say goodbye. Goodbye....
But why? "Lord, I've read it. I believe it. Now, DO IT!!!" That was my cry. Not again, not another child dying in this family....
"Let the little children come to me."
When I called my dad again later, he told me that Sarah had gone to be with God. The family gathered around and Sarah's lifeless body was placed in her mom's lap so that she could hold her little girl one last time. There aren't enough tears in the world to cover that scene. Even though I was in a van coming back from a train trip, I couldn't hold my own tears in. I heard of Sarah's father Steve, really keeping everyone together. What a great dad he is. Of Barbie holding her little girl with all the love a mom could give... there aren't enough moms like her.
"Let the little children come to me."
At first I didn't want to read my Bible again, I somehow was scared that I would lash out at God. I felt the flickery, fire of anger buring deep in me. Grief soon turns to anger and I didn't want to say and think things that I would regret. But I had to read.... I had to know. Why? What did I miss?
Then I saw it. I had read it several times earlier in the week and it was the first passage I opened to. Matthew 19: 13-15:
"Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them. Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.' When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there"
"Let the little children come to me."
I had missed it indeed. I've said before, though it's so hard to understand, that we are not meant for this world. We are meant for something far greater. This isn't the end at all for those that believe in Christ, but merely a 'layover' spot. As I begin to understand just how much Jesus loves children I couldn't help but think of my 2 boys. I don't know that I could ever survive something happening to them. It seems like only yesterday that Kaden was in ICU fighting for his life. But the tighter I hold on to my boys and the more I try and protect them, I still hear the sweet, soft voice of Jesus saying, 'Let the little children come to me'. I can look in Kenyon's eyes and see his mom and I look in Kaden's eyes and see my baby blues, but to look deeper is to see the heart of God. You see, for me to truly love my boys I must give them to the Lord. They're His to watch over and to guide. I must do my part, but in the end they really aren't mine.
Sarah is home with her Heavenly Father. I'm not sure why it happened now and I'm not sure how long any of us have on this earth, but I am steadily becoming convinced of one truth: We have to give everything over to God. We have to give our needs, our wants, our problems, our joys, our smiles, our tears, and yes, even our kids.
May God bless Steve and Barbie and their remaining children. May God grant them peace in what must be the worst of storms. May God help all of us appreciate what time we have together and what time we have with our kids. They are precious little gifts from Heaven and we owe it to their 'Father' to love them and guide them while they are under our care.
I'm gonna go hug those boys now.....
Monday, April 25, 2005
If I were King of Kansas (and the other 49 states)
I don't know that I'd make a very good ruler, but if I were suddenly put in charge, well, some things would have to change. Here's a few looks at my future Kingdom.
1. Folks driving slow in the left lane would be disintegrated with laser beams located on every overpass. Sorry, but I have to get to work!
2. I would issue fines for 'slow' service in the 'fast food' industry. And if you ask me if I want to try your latest and greatest item before I can even read the menu, well, I'm sorry, but you'll have to go.
3. The NBA would no longer be able to steal players from UNC until they have played four years. No really, it's for their education.
4. Child predators would no longer exist in your area.. Why? You harm one child, one time and you will be escorted from this fine country. Ever heard of Cuba? You can be forgiven but you won't live in our neighborhoods. Bye-bye now.
5. Left hand turns, not protected by the bright green arrow, would be illegal. Go around the block and spare us all sitting there waiting for you to hit the gas.
6. Anyone driving a Hummer would have to donate $50,000 to a charity of your choosing.
7. Anyone driving a beat up mini-van, like mine, would be given....... a Hummer. Donation is waived for 'time served'.
8. At the end of the year, all citizens would be given an itemized account of where all your tax money went. And, you would receive a thank you note from me and my staff for the 'all-expenses-paid' business trip we took to Hawaii on your dime. Thanks.
9. All loud and boisterous drunk people will be recorded. That recording will be put on a walkman that will be staple gunned to your head and you will be forced to listen to your loud self until a) you repent or b) you beat yourself up.
10. Not sure how to pull this one off, but eventually the Road construction in Kansas has to STOP for at least one summer. I know the State Animal is that little, orange barrel, but really, the herd should be thinned.
11. The Kansas City Royals will be sold to Quam and never allowed to play in the States again and forbidden to call themselves a Major League Team.
12. Evolution will be taught.... to monkeys. Because even they think it's humorous and every ape needs a good laugh. If you want to argue Creationism then go to it's 'Creator' and bicker with Him. Personally, I'm buying what He's selling.
13. Trains would no longer block intersections that you wish to cross through. And you will quit yelling at us when we do. :-) I mean really, do I come to your place of work, try to cross through and start yelling at you because you are working where I'm wanting to go? I know we railroaders are a crossing nightmare, but here's the good news.... we get stopped too.
14. Gas prices will forever be $1.23 a gallon. Why that number? I have no idea, but they have no reason for their current numbers so at least we're all using the same formula.
15. Anyone fighting for this country in the armed forces, will NEVER pay taxes again. Goodness knows, you've been 'taxed' enough. The least we can do, ya think?
16. I will eliminate 100 cable channels. There are more cable channels than there are days in a year.... come on now. Of course all the sports and news channels stay. Channels that challenge you or teach you things, well, those will have to go. And do we have enough versions of 'Trading Spaces' now? Eventually they will run out of spaces right? And if 'C.S.I- Pratt' ever comes out, then we have all officially lost our minds.
17. Keifer Sutherland will be my President. Jack Bauer is the man. ( For all fans of '24')
18. Anyone trying to talk down prices at a yard sale, no matter the item, will be slapped about the head. IT'S A YARD SALE!!!! Things are already cheap. Pay your .50 and move on.
19. Kids will not be allowed to leave school until they can at least spell their name, write a sentence and add multiple numbers. Yes, that means you Duke Students.
20. And finally, 3 day work weeks for everyone!!!!!!!
1. Folks driving slow in the left lane would be disintegrated with laser beams located on every overpass. Sorry, but I have to get to work!
2. I would issue fines for 'slow' service in the 'fast food' industry. And if you ask me if I want to try your latest and greatest item before I can even read the menu, well, I'm sorry, but you'll have to go.
3. The NBA would no longer be able to steal players from UNC until they have played four years. No really, it's for their education.
4. Child predators would no longer exist in your area.. Why? You harm one child, one time and you will be escorted from this fine country. Ever heard of Cuba? You can be forgiven but you won't live in our neighborhoods. Bye-bye now.
5. Left hand turns, not protected by the bright green arrow, would be illegal. Go around the block and spare us all sitting there waiting for you to hit the gas.
6. Anyone driving a Hummer would have to donate $50,000 to a charity of your choosing.
7. Anyone driving a beat up mini-van, like mine, would be given....... a Hummer. Donation is waived for 'time served'.
8. At the end of the year, all citizens would be given an itemized account of where all your tax money went. And, you would receive a thank you note from me and my staff for the 'all-expenses-paid' business trip we took to Hawaii on your dime. Thanks.
9. All loud and boisterous drunk people will be recorded. That recording will be put on a walkman that will be staple gunned to your head and you will be forced to listen to your loud self until a) you repent or b) you beat yourself up.
10. Not sure how to pull this one off, but eventually the Road construction in Kansas has to STOP for at least one summer. I know the State Animal is that little, orange barrel, but really, the herd should be thinned.
11. The Kansas City Royals will be sold to Quam and never allowed to play in the States again and forbidden to call themselves a Major League Team.
12. Evolution will be taught.... to monkeys. Because even they think it's humorous and every ape needs a good laugh. If you want to argue Creationism then go to it's 'Creator' and bicker with Him. Personally, I'm buying what He's selling.
13. Trains would no longer block intersections that you wish to cross through. And you will quit yelling at us when we do. :-) I mean really, do I come to your place of work, try to cross through and start yelling at you because you are working where I'm wanting to go? I know we railroaders are a crossing nightmare, but here's the good news.... we get stopped too.
14. Gas prices will forever be $1.23 a gallon. Why that number? I have no idea, but they have no reason for their current numbers so at least we're all using the same formula.
15. Anyone fighting for this country in the armed forces, will NEVER pay taxes again. Goodness knows, you've been 'taxed' enough. The least we can do, ya think?
16. I will eliminate 100 cable channels. There are more cable channels than there are days in a year.... come on now. Of course all the sports and news channels stay. Channels that challenge you or teach you things, well, those will have to go. And do we have enough versions of 'Trading Spaces' now? Eventually they will run out of spaces right? And if 'C.S.I- Pratt' ever comes out, then we have all officially lost our minds.
17. Keifer Sutherland will be my President. Jack Bauer is the man. ( For all fans of '24')
18. Anyone trying to talk down prices at a yard sale, no matter the item, will be slapped about the head. IT'S A YARD SALE!!!! Things are already cheap. Pay your .50 and move on.
19. Kids will not be allowed to leave school until they can at least spell their name, write a sentence and add multiple numbers. Yes, that means you Duke Students.
20. And finally, 3 day work weeks for everyone!!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
I just sat, and shook my head
Brandon Evans died April 17th at the age of 32 from the disease of cancer. It had been in his spine and soon spread through his whole body. Treatments were tried and prayers offered, but in the end, death was the result.
32.
Only 32.
I realize that millions of people experience the loss of family and friends that are that age or much younger in the course of a year in this country. I realize that none of us are immune to the pain that death brings. But even at those realizations that we aren't really alone when things like this happen, I still can't help but shake my head.
I wasn't Brandon's best friend or really even that close to him in the last few years, but I knew him and got to spend some great time with him in the late 90's. He really was a great guy, from a great family. On Tuesday and Wednesday, I got to spend some more time with Brandon but not in a way that made sense to me. I got to see him lying peaceful, yet lifeless in a coffin. At his viewing on Tuesday, all I could do was sit there and just shake my head.
It doesn't always add up does it? Why is life so easily taken? Though Brandon had been in a 2 year fight, the end was just....well, too soon. On Wednesday, at his funeral some wonderful things were said about Brandon. His life meant so much to so many. His words, his deeds, his example were there for hundreds of students. He was a science teacher and a football coach. A great guy. The kind of guy that we don't have enough of in this world. As all the words were being said and the songs were being sung, I just sat there...... and shook my head.
It's fine to say that 'his time was up' and that 'God called him home', but sometimes I think that just makes us feel better. It's probably true and maybe soon I'll understand it, but right now... I'm just shaking my head. I do believe Brandon is in a better place and is free from pain and that all the tears have been wiped away by the One who has stood in our place of pain and death. I believe that Brandon's life and death are examples to us and that it should all make us appreciate what we have and those that we have around us.
But, for now, I just can't help but shake my head.
I remember the passage of , 'and Jesus wept'. Jesus was present when a good friend, Lazarus had died. The God of the Universe and of all Creation wept. Not because he was 'helpless' or because of some selfish reason, but He wept, I believe, because this isn't how it was supposed to be. I won't go into the whole story of Adam and Eve and the whole reason why death came to man, but in that moment I can see Jesus starring at Lazarus' tomb and.... shaking his head.
He knows. He can handle our doubts and questions. He can face our fears. He can heal our wounds and yes, there were times when even the Son of Man, shook his head and wept because, 'it just isn't right'.
The good news? He's setting the table and preparing the scene where soon, He will make things right. It's not always going to be like this. This pain isn't going to last. Death has won this battle and yet Christ has the victory in this War. Soon, very soon..... it'll make sense.
But for now, in this moment and in this place, I just sit here and shake my head.
32.
Only 32.
I realize that millions of people experience the loss of family and friends that are that age or much younger in the course of a year in this country. I realize that none of us are immune to the pain that death brings. But even at those realizations that we aren't really alone when things like this happen, I still can't help but shake my head.
I wasn't Brandon's best friend or really even that close to him in the last few years, but I knew him and got to spend some great time with him in the late 90's. He really was a great guy, from a great family. On Tuesday and Wednesday, I got to spend some more time with Brandon but not in a way that made sense to me. I got to see him lying peaceful, yet lifeless in a coffin. At his viewing on Tuesday, all I could do was sit there and just shake my head.
It doesn't always add up does it? Why is life so easily taken? Though Brandon had been in a 2 year fight, the end was just....well, too soon. On Wednesday, at his funeral some wonderful things were said about Brandon. His life meant so much to so many. His words, his deeds, his example were there for hundreds of students. He was a science teacher and a football coach. A great guy. The kind of guy that we don't have enough of in this world. As all the words were being said and the songs were being sung, I just sat there...... and shook my head.
It's fine to say that 'his time was up' and that 'God called him home', but sometimes I think that just makes us feel better. It's probably true and maybe soon I'll understand it, but right now... I'm just shaking my head. I do believe Brandon is in a better place and is free from pain and that all the tears have been wiped away by the One who has stood in our place of pain and death. I believe that Brandon's life and death are examples to us and that it should all make us appreciate what we have and those that we have around us.
But, for now, I just can't help but shake my head.
I remember the passage of , 'and Jesus wept'. Jesus was present when a good friend, Lazarus had died. The God of the Universe and of all Creation wept. Not because he was 'helpless' or because of some selfish reason, but He wept, I believe, because this isn't how it was supposed to be. I won't go into the whole story of Adam and Eve and the whole reason why death came to man, but in that moment I can see Jesus starring at Lazarus' tomb and.... shaking his head.
He knows. He can handle our doubts and questions. He can face our fears. He can heal our wounds and yes, there were times when even the Son of Man, shook his head and wept because, 'it just isn't right'.
The good news? He's setting the table and preparing the scene where soon, He will make things right. It's not always going to be like this. This pain isn't going to last. Death has won this battle and yet Christ has the victory in this War. Soon, very soon..... it'll make sense.
But for now, in this moment and in this place, I just sit here and shake my head.
Friday, April 15, 2005
My Sweet, Broken Jesus
For most of my adult life, I have struggled with a swallowing problem. Many times I get choked up over the smallest bits of food, like a kernel of corn or too much bread. Taking pills like Tylenol is not something I can do, because it simply won't go down. I have had to have several 'endoscopys'; a procedure that basically stretches your esophogus and allows food to travel more freely to your stomach. Nice, huh?
In October of 2002 I was needing yet another one of these procedures. I checked myself in and began the long, early morning wait for the hospital to prepare for me. While waiting with my wife, I suddenly got very fearful and remember telling Konnie how much I loved her and that if anything should happen, I have made certain preparations. She reassured me that this was no big deal and that I had done it many times before. I then told her, 'Yeah, but even the simplest procedures can go wrong'. Boy, I wish I hadn't been thinking those thoughts, because that's what happened.
During the procedure, apparently my 'food opening', as I call it, was so tight that the Doctor could not get his scope past the opening in order to inflate the end of the scope and stretch it out. But he tried anyway and my esophogus was torn.
I remember coming to and feeling funny. I felt like I had little air bubbles all in my throat. I remember my wife being with me and the Doctor pacing the room on his cell phone. He had ordered an X-Ray to be taken and was getting the results. I remember the words, 'He's got a what!?' Not comforting. I then vaguely remember the Doctor hugging my wife and apologizing.... again, not comforting.... not so much.
The Doctor then told me what had happened and that my problem was something that 'we don't treat here. You'll have to go to Wichita'. Then a bit of fear started to set it because they hauled me off to a waiting ambulance and off we went at a very high speed. I wasn't 'life watched', but 'life driven'. During the 80 plus mile drive, a million things went through my head.... 'How serious is this?' 'Am I going to be ok?' 'What about Kaden and Konnie?' 'My Mom's going to freak!' :-)
After arriving at St Francis Hospital in Wichita, I was taken quickly into ICU (The Intensive Care Unit). It gets that name for a reason, it's very intense. Nurses began hooking me up to what seemed like a hundred IV's and monitors. I was given a catheter (sp?) OUCH! And then everyone left.....
Konnie soon came in to see me and not long after, the Doctor who was now in charge of my case came in. I don't remember much of the conversation, but I remember asking him if I was in serious trouble or not. He said, 'I'll be honest with you. You have a 60/40 chance of survival." With that the tears began to flow as Konnie and I began to share moments that no one wants to go through. All the hopes and dreams of a young married couple with a beautiful little boy at home, began to seem like they may not happen. We cried for quite some time and prayed. Konnie then left because I wanted some people called; My parents especially and some friends.
While by myself, I tried to clear my eyes of all the tears. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to think and I didn't know what to pray. I looked up and above the doorway to my room was a figurine of Jesus on the cross. I couldn't help but stare at it. Then I noticed something was wrong with the figure. Half of Jesus' right arm was gone. 'Great,' I thought. 'I got the room with the broken Jesus... that's about right I guess'. I then looked away as if I thought it would jinx me to stare at a broken Jesus.
As family and friends came in and out, and doctor's came by and still had no words of encouragement only caution, I began to look intently on that figure above my door. It finally hit me that indeed this was the Jesus I needed. Not the gold painted Jesus on the cross, but the wooden one in which it showed that He himself was broken. Broken for who? Broken for me. For hours I looked upon this cross and prayed and wept. I knew that some test were coming up that would tell us all if I was to have major surgery that could take my life, or if another cure might be possible.... the cure that only a broken Jesus gives us.
After some time, I forget how long, it was time to see and run the test. My parents had flown in from Houston and were with Konnie. I could feel their prayers. As my bed was wheeled out of my room, I remember looking up at my sweet, broken Jesus and smiling. I knew that no matter what, I was going to be fine; either in death or in life. The test was done and I returned to my room to await the news. The doctor came in as Konnie and I held hands and barely dared to breathe. I remember these words:
"Well, I will be honest with you. It looks like you are healing on your own and we won't have to do surgery. I'll be more honest with you and say that I haven't seen this type of damage heal on it's own, so you are very lucky. We are going to keep you here for several more days so we can monitor your progress, but for now, it looks good.'
Konnie and I smiled through tears of joy and I could not help but give a wink to my sweet, broken Jesus. I didn't deserve it but A miracle had happened and I was being given a chance at life again. Luck? I think not.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I'm bothered at times that I haven't done 'more' with my second chance in life. I still struggle with silly petty things and I often have to force myself to remember the miracle of that time in my life. I complain about things that shouldn't matter and worry about things that don't matter. I'm still healing, I guess. :-)
I also struggle with the fact that this isn't how it goes for others that are sick. Recently we went and visited Konnie's dad, Frank. He is now but a mere shell of who he once was. Our visit was very hard for Konnie. I will never forget that while we were in the room with Frank, Konnie was tending to him and talking to him. He didn't respond much, but you could almost feel that he wanted to. Suddenly Konnie broke down and began to weep heavily. She got up from her father's bed and went quickly to the bathroom. At that moment, Frank sat up very quickly in a move that stunned me somewhat. He sat up and looked towards the bathroom where his little girl had run to. For just the briefest of moments I believe Frank remembered something. He knew it was Konnie and he knew she was sad, and in just the blink of an eye his clouded memory remembered that he needed to go help and comfort his little girl. It didn't last but a moment and soon he was laying back down. His cruel disease took over again and he, again, looked lost. I began to weep.
Why is it that some are healed and some are not? Why is it that a man's entire life of memories has been robbed from him? Is there no miracle available for him? As Konnie leaned over and began kissing her father on his cheeks I saw an image of Christ. A Christ that doesn't always spare us from disease and knows that none of us are spared from death, but He is there to care for us and kiss our cheeks and comfort us. I think of Brandon Evans... 32 years old and dying in his parents house. I think of all that they must be going through watching their little boy die.... I don't get it and, as I've said before, maybe I'm not supposed to. But this I do get; Jesus was broken not to spare us from death on this earth, but to give us life everlasting. With the life that we have, comes much responsibility. Are we living up to it? Are we helping and loving others? Are we better today than we were yesterday? If you're like me, the answer is 'some days yes, some days no'. But even that is why Jesus was broken; we can't be perfect, but we can strive to be.
I so wish my friend and Konnie's dad could be healed. But I do believe that there is healing that's taking place. I believe that both men, will someday have life everlasting. In times of suffering like this I'm reminded of a song by the Christian artist Bryan Duncan. The song is Strong Medicine. Take a listen: http://www.kstarheel.com/Strong_Medicine.html
Only God knows why certain things happen and their reasons. But be certain that we can know this.... the same sweet, broken Jesus that healed me is there for us all. Whether in death or in life, He is in control and He will never leave us or forsake us. There is hope, there is life and there is a medicine.
In October of 2002 I was needing yet another one of these procedures. I checked myself in and began the long, early morning wait for the hospital to prepare for me. While waiting with my wife, I suddenly got very fearful and remember telling Konnie how much I loved her and that if anything should happen, I have made certain preparations. She reassured me that this was no big deal and that I had done it many times before. I then told her, 'Yeah, but even the simplest procedures can go wrong'. Boy, I wish I hadn't been thinking those thoughts, because that's what happened.
During the procedure, apparently my 'food opening', as I call it, was so tight that the Doctor could not get his scope past the opening in order to inflate the end of the scope and stretch it out. But he tried anyway and my esophogus was torn.
I remember coming to and feeling funny. I felt like I had little air bubbles all in my throat. I remember my wife being with me and the Doctor pacing the room on his cell phone. He had ordered an X-Ray to be taken and was getting the results. I remember the words, 'He's got a what!?' Not comforting. I then vaguely remember the Doctor hugging my wife and apologizing.... again, not comforting.... not so much.
The Doctor then told me what had happened and that my problem was something that 'we don't treat here. You'll have to go to Wichita'. Then a bit of fear started to set it because they hauled me off to a waiting ambulance and off we went at a very high speed. I wasn't 'life watched', but 'life driven'. During the 80 plus mile drive, a million things went through my head.... 'How serious is this?' 'Am I going to be ok?' 'What about Kaden and Konnie?' 'My Mom's going to freak!' :-)
After arriving at St Francis Hospital in Wichita, I was taken quickly into ICU (The Intensive Care Unit). It gets that name for a reason, it's very intense. Nurses began hooking me up to what seemed like a hundred IV's and monitors. I was given a catheter (sp?) OUCH! And then everyone left.....
Konnie soon came in to see me and not long after, the Doctor who was now in charge of my case came in. I don't remember much of the conversation, but I remember asking him if I was in serious trouble or not. He said, 'I'll be honest with you. You have a 60/40 chance of survival." With that the tears began to flow as Konnie and I began to share moments that no one wants to go through. All the hopes and dreams of a young married couple with a beautiful little boy at home, began to seem like they may not happen. We cried for quite some time and prayed. Konnie then left because I wanted some people called; My parents especially and some friends.
While by myself, I tried to clear my eyes of all the tears. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to think and I didn't know what to pray. I looked up and above the doorway to my room was a figurine of Jesus on the cross. I couldn't help but stare at it. Then I noticed something was wrong with the figure. Half of Jesus' right arm was gone. 'Great,' I thought. 'I got the room with the broken Jesus... that's about right I guess'. I then looked away as if I thought it would jinx me to stare at a broken Jesus.
As family and friends came in and out, and doctor's came by and still had no words of encouragement only caution, I began to look intently on that figure above my door. It finally hit me that indeed this was the Jesus I needed. Not the gold painted Jesus on the cross, but the wooden one in which it showed that He himself was broken. Broken for who? Broken for me. For hours I looked upon this cross and prayed and wept. I knew that some test were coming up that would tell us all if I was to have major surgery that could take my life, or if another cure might be possible.... the cure that only a broken Jesus gives us.
After some time, I forget how long, it was time to see and run the test. My parents had flown in from Houston and were with Konnie. I could feel their prayers. As my bed was wheeled out of my room, I remember looking up at my sweet, broken Jesus and smiling. I knew that no matter what, I was going to be fine; either in death or in life. The test was done and I returned to my room to await the news. The doctor came in as Konnie and I held hands and barely dared to breathe. I remember these words:
"Well, I will be honest with you. It looks like you are healing on your own and we won't have to do surgery. I'll be more honest with you and say that I haven't seen this type of damage heal on it's own, so you are very lucky. We are going to keep you here for several more days so we can monitor your progress, but for now, it looks good.'
Konnie and I smiled through tears of joy and I could not help but give a wink to my sweet, broken Jesus. I didn't deserve it but A miracle had happened and I was being given a chance at life again. Luck? I think not.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I'm bothered at times that I haven't done 'more' with my second chance in life. I still struggle with silly petty things and I often have to force myself to remember the miracle of that time in my life. I complain about things that shouldn't matter and worry about things that don't matter. I'm still healing, I guess. :-)
I also struggle with the fact that this isn't how it goes for others that are sick. Recently we went and visited Konnie's dad, Frank. He is now but a mere shell of who he once was. Our visit was very hard for Konnie. I will never forget that while we were in the room with Frank, Konnie was tending to him and talking to him. He didn't respond much, but you could almost feel that he wanted to. Suddenly Konnie broke down and began to weep heavily. She got up from her father's bed and went quickly to the bathroom. At that moment, Frank sat up very quickly in a move that stunned me somewhat. He sat up and looked towards the bathroom where his little girl had run to. For just the briefest of moments I believe Frank remembered something. He knew it was Konnie and he knew she was sad, and in just the blink of an eye his clouded memory remembered that he needed to go help and comfort his little girl. It didn't last but a moment and soon he was laying back down. His cruel disease took over again and he, again, looked lost. I began to weep.
Why is it that some are healed and some are not? Why is it that a man's entire life of memories has been robbed from him? Is there no miracle available for him? As Konnie leaned over and began kissing her father on his cheeks I saw an image of Christ. A Christ that doesn't always spare us from disease and knows that none of us are spared from death, but He is there to care for us and kiss our cheeks and comfort us. I think of Brandon Evans... 32 years old and dying in his parents house. I think of all that they must be going through watching their little boy die.... I don't get it and, as I've said before, maybe I'm not supposed to. But this I do get; Jesus was broken not to spare us from death on this earth, but to give us life everlasting. With the life that we have, comes much responsibility. Are we living up to it? Are we helping and loving others? Are we better today than we were yesterday? If you're like me, the answer is 'some days yes, some days no'. But even that is why Jesus was broken; we can't be perfect, but we can strive to be.
I so wish my friend and Konnie's dad could be healed. But I do believe that there is healing that's taking place. I believe that both men, will someday have life everlasting. In times of suffering like this I'm reminded of a song by the Christian artist Bryan Duncan. The song is Strong Medicine. Take a listen: http://www.kstarheel.com/Strong_Medicine.html
Only God knows why certain things happen and their reasons. But be certain that we can know this.... the same sweet, broken Jesus that healed me is there for us all. Whether in death or in life, He is in control and He will never leave us or forsake us. There is hope, there is life and there is a medicine.
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