Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I just sat, and shook my head

Brandon Evans died April 17th at the age of 32 from the disease of cancer. It had been in his spine and soon spread through his whole body. Treatments were tried and prayers offered, but in the end, death was the result.
32.
Only 32.

I realize that millions of people experience the loss of family and friends that are that age or much younger in the course of a year in this country. I realize that none of us are immune to the pain that death brings. But even at those realizations that we aren't really alone when things like this happen, I still can't help but shake my head.

I wasn't Brandon's best friend or really even that close to him in the last few years, but I knew him and got to spend some great time with him in the late 90's. He really was a great guy, from a great family. On Tuesday and Wednesday, I got to spend some more time with Brandon but not in a way that made sense to me. I got to see him lying peaceful, yet lifeless in a coffin. At his viewing on Tuesday, all I could do was sit there and just shake my head.

It doesn't always add up does it? Why is life so easily taken? Though Brandon had been in a 2 year fight, the end was just....well, too soon. On Wednesday, at his funeral some wonderful things were said about Brandon. His life meant so much to so many. His words, his deeds, his example were there for hundreds of students. He was a science teacher and a football coach. A great guy. The kind of guy that we don't have enough of in this world. As all the words were being said and the songs were being sung, I just sat there...... and shook my head.

It's fine to say that 'his time was up' and that 'God called him home', but sometimes I think that just makes us feel better. It's probably true and maybe soon I'll understand it, but right now... I'm just shaking my head. I do believe Brandon is in a better place and is free from pain and that all the tears have been wiped away by the One who has stood in our place of pain and death. I believe that Brandon's life and death are examples to us and that it should all make us appreciate what we have and those that we have around us.

But, for now, I just can't help but shake my head.

I remember the passage of , 'and Jesus wept'. Jesus was present when a good friend, Lazarus had died. The God of the Universe and of all Creation wept. Not because he was 'helpless' or because of some selfish reason, but He wept, I believe, because this isn't how it was supposed to be. I won't go into the whole story of Adam and Eve and the whole reason why death came to man, but in that moment I can see Jesus starring at Lazarus' tomb and.... shaking his head.

He knows. He can handle our doubts and questions. He can face our fears. He can heal our wounds and yes, there were times when even the Son of Man, shook his head and wept because, 'it just isn't right'.

The good news? He's setting the table and preparing the scene where soon, He will make things right. It's not always going to be like this. This pain isn't going to last. Death has won this battle and yet Christ has the victory in this War. Soon, very soon..... it'll make sense.

But for now, in this moment and in this place, I just sit here and shake my head.