I recently had to give a speech to my alma mater, Barclay College. It was at the athletics banquet and the speech was to be part my athletic life and memories at the college and partly a motivational speech for the current students. As I started thinking about what to say, I began to look back on my athletic career with a bit of bitterness. I think I was the type of athlete that could play about anything, but never dominate one thing. I was a good shooter in basketball, a great hitter in baseball, a good defender in soccer, an average tennis player and a sometimes good golfer. But it seemed that I always came up short of personal goals and team goals once I got into college. I had some nice moments in all sports, but I never was a part of a Championship season. Our basketball team was talented, but we had a lot of egos (and one very talented guy that scored all the points) and never really got our act together when it came tournament time. Soccer was fun for me because the expectations were low, until my Senior year when we made it to the Championship game only to lose to a team we had beaten twice already. I think something happened in me (long story and too much to spend in therapy to go into it) that basically sentenced me to 'failing' and falling short during those years. The something I speak of is present in everything I do. So, instead of giving a speech about 5 ways to succeed or 10 ways to make it big in life, I decided that I would share with the 'yutes' Four stone-locked ways to F.A.I.L. I was, at one time or another, guilty of having all 4 of the qualities and behaviors listed. I now am at a point in life where I think these 4 factors still play a heavy roll in how I function on a daily, weekly , yearly basis. I don't think the potential for greatness ever leaves us. I do think that more we fall into the patterns of 'F.A.I.L.ing', the harder it becomes to achieve our goals or to even bother setting goals. What I've written is pretty much how the speech went, but you won't get the ad-libs. I wasn't that funny anyway. ;-) See if you struggle with any or all 4 of these qualities and then join me as we try and overcome the weight of always thinking we aren't good enough and making sure we do things to justify that conclusion. It's a factor in sports, marriage, parenting, ministry or even just getting out of bed. I've changed a little of the content, but it's pretty much how it was given. I hope it motivates you NOT to F.A.I.L.
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How you handle things in college whether it's sports or academics or your social life, will have much to say about how your 'adult life' will go. As I was thinking about my past in sports, it was funny how much of that bled over to my later years. I began to notice a pattern that was present when things haven't gone well. You would normally hear a speech on 5 ways to make it in sports, or 10 ways to be successful, etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with my life, but when I struggle I do FOUR things that seal FAILURE. That's what I'm going to share with you: 4 ways to guarantee failure not just in sports but in your marriage, your ministry, your job, etc.
F = Fear
The great Jedi Master Yoda said, 'Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the Dark Side'. Yoda is real by the way, my 2 year old said so.
You've heard FDR say, 'there is nothing to fear, but fear itself'. Well, I agree but I do think that's a bit simple. There are many things to Fear in sports, life, ministry, and yes, even marriage. There's peer pressure, there's results, there's criticism, there's poverty, there's sickness....popularity.
HOW DO I LOOK? I'm wearing black and dying my hair blond for a reason folks and it isn't because I'm comfortable with the age thing. (I dyed my hair blond and wore all black for the speech). ONE thing will guarantee failure and that is 'the fear of failure'. I developed a fear of being the reason we would lose a game in basketball. If you only shoot 3 or 4 times a game, you can't miss that many. There were many times that my team and coach needed me to shoot the ball more, but I usually didn't. I think the most shots I ever took in a game at Barclay was 9. I was a 3 year starter and captain for 3 years and I could only muster the courage to take 9 shots. To this day that makes me ill. I wasn't a bad shooter. In fact, I would usually win our team's 3 point contest. I would regularly light in up in pick up games. But when the game mattered, I didn't want it to be my fault if I missed. In 'fearing to fail', I failed the team and myself. It wasn't all bad. I had some good moments and even managed to score 15 points a few times. But for the most part, I didn't do what the team needed.
How do we cope with this? Well, Psalm 34:4 has something to say: I sought the Lord: He heard me and delivered me from all my fears.There is nothing to fear about failing. Henry Ford said, 'Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently'.Fear of failing took over many times in my sports life... I look back now and wonder, 'what was I afraid of exactly?'
A= Attitude
Here's a couple of quotes about attitude I found enlightening:
"What a man thinks of himself determines his fate" and "Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it"
I had a attitude problem, ok, I still have an attitude problem. I was very competitive and hated criticism. I wasn't always the best guy to coach, especially early on in High School and College. My freshman year was such an emotional mess that I wound up quitting the basketball team.... TWICE! Oh to have those choices back. You only get one shot at this time in life and like I said, I have many wonderful memories, but so many regrets as well. Technical fouls and Yellow cards were pretty standard for me..... what a silly way to spend what little time you have playing a game. Believe it or not you won't play pro ball and you will have only one shot at this. Don't embarrass yourself along the way. To this day I get waaaaay to worked up over sports. Sports is more about being relieved that my team didn't lose than being glad they won. Watching a UNC basketball game with me is an educational exercise on the mentally insane. If I watched a tape of me yelling at the umps at the Wichita State baseball games, I am sure I would feel silly. Competition isn't a bad thing, but the pride we bring to it is. Do you realize that most teams lose to end their season? Michael Jordan barely made 1/2 of his shots. A good baseball player only gets a hit 30% of the time and yet those of us with poor attitudes think that things should always go perfect. When they don't we melt down and make the children flee the living room. Confidence is great, arrogance is not. Always looking for conflict is not a healthy way of living, just ask my boy Dubya. It won't make you any friends. Neither will being difficult to deal with. You know some of the most obnoxious, hard-to-work-with-people I've ever known were fellow youth pastors back in the day when I did such things. You talk about hard to work with. It was frightening and sad. Saying you are a person of God, isn't a blank check for walking all over those around you. Read the red letters in your Bible; it's all about humility.
I= Ignorance
Making poor choices. There are a lot of bad choices that bring down a sports career, a ministry, a marriage, etc. Most of those bad choices are wrapped up in thinking that you are more important than everyone around you. Some of those bad choices come from thinking that you are indestructible.... you aren't. Don Herald said, 'It takes a lot to prove you're smart, but only one thing to prove you are ignorant."
To say you will make bad choices is like saying that you will get up everyday. What are some bad choices you may make?: You are going to choose a relationship that you maybe shouldn't. You are going to choose to drink or take something you shouldn't. You are going to choose to cheat when you shouldn't. You are going to opt for a lie, when the truth is too painful. You will put yourself above those around you. The most important aspect of 'Team' is the fact that you are willing to do whatever you have to do for the success of the team, within the confines of good sportsmanship and morality. It's the key to a ministry, the key to a marriage, the key to parenting.
I will never forget Len Bias. Bias was an all-american basketball player for the University of Maryland in the mid 80's. Even though I was a Tar Heel fan, I loved watching Len Bias play basketball. He was 6 foot 7 and had the body of a Greek God. I remember him scoring 36 points at UNC one night to beat my beloved Heels. I was working at Greensboro College the summer after Bias decided to go pro. He was picked 2nd in the NBA draft and was headed to the Boston Celtics. I couldn't wait for the Jordan vs Bias matchups. Then, while we were working, I heard the news on the radio that Len Bias had died of a drug overdose. I sat there stunned. I cried even. So much talent, so much promise, such an awful choice. That will live with me forever.
Making ignorant choices are a part of life; recovering from them and learning are a part of success. I quit playing baseball in the 11th grade after I had already been told that I could possibly play in college if I would just work a bit harder. I thought I was above playing for my High School coach, so I quit. Nice move. As I mentioned earlier, I liked a girl my freshman year at Barclay (the Friends Bible College), she liked someone else. I holed up in my dorm room and listened to lots of Van Halen and quit the basketball team. Another banner moment. It may not seem fair that you can undo a lifetime of good with one bad choice, but that is just the way it is. I'm sure Eve thought, 'it's just a freaking apple'. Well, she probably didn't say freaking.
L= Laziness
I heard two sports guys going at it the other day on ESPN because one guy said that some guys are just born better than others. The other gentlemen said, 'no, most great athletes are great because they outwork everyone else.' I have to agree with the latter. As much of a good shooter as I thought I was at one time or that I could be, I NEVER shot 500 jump shots a day for a summer. I NEVER dribbled the ball for hours trying to get a better left hand. Musically, I started playing guitar when I was 12 and my teacher said I was a natural. I was playing 'Stairway to Heaven' and 'Sweet Home Alabama' just weeks after starting. I remember him telling me that I had the potential to really do some great playing some day if I was just play 4-5 hours a day. He even formed a 'boy band' with some of his sons' friends and we played in a barn for hours. I will always hate 'Sweet Home Alabama'.
Can you guess what I did? I learned the intro to about every Van Halen song, but never the whole song. Why? I had better things to do. I got very lazy about it. I have always been able to pick things up quickly, but never the focus to become great at any one thing. Robert Half said, 'Laziness is the secret ingredient that goes into failure'. CS Lewis said, 'Laziness always means more work in the end'. Amen to that. Daily discipline isn't just a catchy book title, it's also the key to succeeding whether it's in sports, marriage, ministry or anything else. You may want a bigger church, but sitting in your office ain't gonna get it done. You may want run 5 miles, but the 1 mile of Twizzlers you just ate will prevent that run. I wish I could shoot in the 70's in golf, but I golf 4 times a year. We are lazy in our faith as well. The Christian music artist Keith Green (who was killed in a plane crash over 25 years ago) wrote a song that had this line in it: "Jesus rose from the dead, but you, you can't even get out of bed". Ouch.
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So what do we do? Do we give into failure and the 4 keys to failing or is there another answer? Thomas Edison said, 'Many of life's failures are people who didn't realize how close they were to success when they gave up?' And it's not just in giving up do we fall short. It's giving into fear, attitude, ignorant choices and laziness. What does God offer us? Can we seek him out? Well, I don't believe that you allow God in on some things and shut him out of other things. If you are looking for success in anything then you will only find it with God's help. In the movie FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, the head football coach keeps asking his players a question: Can you be perfect? He wants them to challenge themselves on what they can bring to the team. Well, the Bible says the same thing only with a twist. BE YE PERFECT is our call. But how does that happen? Is it of our doing? Can we really be perfect in sports, life, ministry, marriage, etc? God does more that just 'coach us' on perfection, he takes a much more active role: Here's how CS Lewis puts it:
When He said, 'be perfect', He meant it. He meant that we must go in for the full treatment. It is hard, but the sort of compromise we are all hankering after is harder--in fact, it is impossible. I think He is saying, "The only help I will give is help to become perfect. You may want something less; but I will give you nothing less. Make no mistake, if you let me I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less, or other, than that. You have free will and if you choose, you can push Me Away. But if you do not push Me away, understand that I am going to see this job through. Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life.....whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect---until My Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He as well pleased with me. This I can do and will do. But I will not do anything less.
You see sports are a great thing I think. But they aren't everything. Even though my dad and I think the world is ending when the Shockers get a bad call, the final score just isn't' that important. They are a part of all that we do in this life that helps to shape and mold us. It isn't about winning and losing, it's about seeing yourself for who you really are. It's about coming together with teammates and going after goals. It's about love, brotherhood and sisterhood. There's more at stake in how you play a game than the final score. If you approach sports or life with Fear, Attitude, Ignorance and Laziness you will spell out how to Fail. But if you open yourself up to something bigger than yourself, if you open yourself up to someone bigger than you and allow Him to have your fears, curve your attitude, lessen your ignorance and shake you from your lazy slumber then the whole world will open up and you will see your way to success. True success is how God sees you. It's not in scoreboards, stat sheets, record books or even how many you have attending your new church. Does my spouse love me? Do my kids trust me? Do I say what I'll do then do what I say? It's question like this that measure success.
There are FOUR ways to Fail.... but really there is only ONE way to succeed and become Perfect. Choose wisely young people. This Merry-Go-Round of life may seem long, but soon you will be 36 years old, 20....OR FORTY pounds overweight..... and looking back instead of looking forward. Give yourself to the Lord and prepare yourself for new possibilities.
