Ah, back to blogging. Bare with me, it's been a while and I'm a bit rusty. I was moved today to write and so with a little kicking of the tires and changing of some soul oil, here we go for a spin. What's the speed limit here again?
I have recently been moved by two words: I know. Well actually it's four words: I know, I know. You see my oldest son Kaden has these words in his back pocket, ready to use at any moment. Regardless of what I tell my soon-to-be teenage son, his reply is usually 'I know, I know'. I will say 'Son, you need to get your homework done'. He'll reply with 'I know, I know'. I will say, 'Kaden, you need to feed the cat.' He'll come back with a stinging retort: 'I know, I know'. Or I will say, 'Hey Kaden, it's time for bed. Brush your teeth'. And without any prompting, he will string together that classic line: 'I know, I know'.
I recently mentioned this to him by saying, 'dude, if you really do 'know' then why am I having to remind you?' He smiled and said.... wait for it.... here it comes....
'I know, I know'. (he has his Dad's smarty pantsness) I mean Kaden gets it; he's a smart kid. He knows that he needs to do his homework. He knows what time he has to go to bed. He knows that if he doesn't feed the cat, the cat will feed itself and then barf said food all over the porch... I mean, it's wild kingdom type gross. He 'knows' this stuff.
Yet, I regularly have to prod him, push him, remind him and basically tell him all the things he already 'knows'. I mean if I didn't, that boy would permanently adhere himself to his bed and XBox controller and one day we would cut him out of the room and feature him on the Discovery Channel. A great kid, but lacking a bit of motivation to do what he 'knows' he needs to do.
I know another Father/son relationship that plays this out. Of course it's God and myself. 'Love your neighbor'... "I know, I know". 'Feed the hungry'..."I know, I know". 'Don't cuss at your kids'. "I know, I... wait, really? I can't can't curse the wee ones when they do the stupidest things I've ever seen? Ok, I know". 'Spend some time with Me'. "I know, I know."
I know this stuff. I mean I've got a degree in Youth Ministry and a minor in Bible Theology after all. I once Pastored a Church, as shocking as that may be. I've read CS Lewis and George MacDonald and even watched Dr. Gene Scott late at night while hammering some Mountain dew and eating pizza; it's how I got through college. 'I KNOW THIS STUFF!'
But oh how I refuse to live it these days. I don't want to follow the rules because I didn't get to make the rules. And in my house we follow the rules I make which usually ends up with me not having to follow any rules. I'm a 12 year old child in the body of a bacon-obsessed railroader that has a gift in stringing together profane words when he could simply say 'oh shoot'. That's how I roll in my non-Sunday outfit.
Well, it's time to get over it. It's time to no longer 'fix' what's wrong with me, but to replace it with something entirely different. It's time for my old self to be thrown on the scrap heap. This would be a good time to insert a CS Lewis quote:
“But if you are a poor creature – poisoned by a wretched upbringing in a some house full of vulgar jealousies and senseless quarrels – saddled, by no choice of your own, with some loathsome sexual perversion – nagged day in and day out by an inferiority complex that makes you snap at your best friends – do not despair. He knows all about it. You are one of the poor whom He blessed. He knows what a wretched machine you are trying to drive. Keep on. Do what you can. One day (perhaps in another world, but perhaps far sooner than that) He will fling it on the scrap heap and give you a new one. And then you will astonish us all – not least yourself; for you have learned your driving in the hard school. (Some of the last will be first and some of the first will be last).”
It's time to have God say 'I know, I know'. God, I love you. "I know, I know". God, I want to serve you. "I know, I know" God, only you can fix this mess. "I know, I know". God, I'm a dork. "I know, I know". :-)
There just comes a time to quit saying it and actually do it. I'm not going to launch some crazy ministry or start a Church. I'm not going to quit my job and walk the earth like Caine. I'm simply going to love my wife better. Love my kids better. Love my friends better and even love my enemies... finally. It's about widows and orphans. It's about loving the poor and the needy. It's about living a life that at least partially reflects the desires of the one who made me. I'm not sure I can leave out the profanity because it's just a language to me... but I'll try. There are better words to use.... I know, I know.
The song I thought of was from the great Stevie Wonder:
