Today was yet another sad day for my family. In the past 30 years, the Robinson side of my family has seen too many children leave this earth at far too young of ages. Almost 30 years ago, I lost 4 cousins in a car/train accident. A few years later the surviving cousin from that accident was lost due to a heart condition. I've seen 2 of my cousins lose small children, one was but a baby. Today another of my cousins, Steve and his wife Barbie, lost their 2 year old daughter, Sarah. She was involved in an awful drowning accident a few days ago and today she went home to be with the Lord.
"Let the little children come to me"
Recently I have been hammering my way through the Bible. I have renewed my passion for the Word and I have wanted to go through it word by word and fine some meaning to all that is around me. Although I have a minor in 'Bible Theology' there is just so much that I didn't get and still don't. Every time I read God's word something new catches my eye. I'm never sure if I'm reading it the right way or in the right context, but sometimes the words just jump out.
After first hearing about this horrible accident involving this sweet, little girl, I went to the Word. I wanted to find hope for her, I wanted to find the miracle recipe that I felt was there. I read where Jesus said, 'If you have the faith of a Mustard seed you can say to this mountain 'move' and it will move....' "I have that faith Lord, heal Sarah". I read, 'Where 2 or more of you are gathered in my name, I will be there also....' "Lord, there are hundreds praying, heal Sarah". I read, 'for man this impossible, but with God nothing is impossible'. "Lord, they don't give her much chance, heal Sarah". This went on all night. I truly believed that surely in this instance, that for just this one time, God would show Himself and 2 wonderful parents might be spared the pain of losing a child.
"Let the little Children come to me."
As today went on, I kept in contact with my dad. The updates got worse and worse. While little Sarah had fought hard and had shown signs of progress, it was just too much for her body. They were calling the family in to say goodbye. Goodbye....
But why? "Lord, I've read it. I believe it. Now, DO IT!!!" That was my cry. Not again, not another child dying in this family....
"Let the little children come to me."
When I called my dad again later, he told me that Sarah had gone to be with God. The family gathered around and Sarah's lifeless body was placed in her mom's lap so that she could hold her little girl one last time. There aren't enough tears in the world to cover that scene. Even though I was in a van coming back from a train trip, I couldn't hold my own tears in. I heard of Sarah's father Steve, really keeping everyone together. What a great dad he is. Of Barbie holding her little girl with all the love a mom could give... there aren't enough moms like her.
"Let the little children come to me."
At first I didn't want to read my Bible again, I somehow was scared that I would lash out at God. I felt the flickery, fire of anger buring deep in me. Grief soon turns to anger and I didn't want to say and think things that I would regret. But I had to read.... I had to know. Why? What did I miss?
Then I saw it. I had read it several times earlier in the week and it was the first passage I opened to. Matthew 19: 13-15:
"Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them. Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.' When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there"
"Let the little children come to me."
I had missed it indeed. I've said before, though it's so hard to understand, that we are not meant for this world. We are meant for something far greater. This isn't the end at all for those that believe in Christ, but merely a 'layover' spot. As I begin to understand just how much Jesus loves children I couldn't help but think of my 2 boys. I don't know that I could ever survive something happening to them. It seems like only yesterday that Kaden was in ICU fighting for his life. But the tighter I hold on to my boys and the more I try and protect them, I still hear the sweet, soft voice of Jesus saying, 'Let the little children come to me'. I can look in Kenyon's eyes and see his mom and I look in Kaden's eyes and see my baby blues, but to look deeper is to see the heart of God. You see, for me to truly love my boys I must give them to the Lord. They're His to watch over and to guide. I must do my part, but in the end they really aren't mine.
Sarah is home with her Heavenly Father. I'm not sure why it happened now and I'm not sure how long any of us have on this earth, but I am steadily becoming convinced of one truth: We have to give everything over to God. We have to give our needs, our wants, our problems, our joys, our smiles, our tears, and yes, even our kids.
May God bless Steve and Barbie and their remaining children. May God grant them peace in what must be the worst of storms. May God help all of us appreciate what time we have together and what time we have with our kids. They are precious little gifts from Heaven and we owe it to their 'Father' to love them and guide them while they are under our care.
I'm gonna go hug those boys now.....
