Parents matter. I did not grow up in a broken home but in my life I have been able to witness the effects of broken homes on kids from all walks of life. From Texas to Kansas, white kids to black kids to hispanic kids, rich kids to poor kids.... I worked with a wide variety to say the least. I can easily say that 99% of these kids came from a broken home. They were either being raised by a mom, a dad or in many cases the Grandparents were being called on to help out. Most of the kids I worked with were boys and most of these boys were either in, or nearing membership in a gang of some kind. All of these kids were broken and in most cases, their lives had spun out of control through no fault of their own. Sure, many of them made stupid choices and couldn't see beyond their own pain to make better decisions. But the act that got that ball rolling was usually a parent, or two, deciding that they couldn't make it together and in some cases, couldn't make it as parents period.
My son just had a bit of a crying session this morning. I barked at him a bit because I thought he and the other kids were fighting about toys. Konnie came down afterwards and let me know that it wasn't toys they were fighting about, it was heaven. Apparently somehow the topic of dying came up and one of the kids that stays with us during the day said, 'when you go to heaven you live there forever.' Kenyon, who is 5, said 'but after 3 days you get to come home again'. He was getting parts of the story confused. When it was made clear to him that you do not get to come home again, he started crying. When pressed about this by Konnie, he simply said, 'I don't want to be without you and dad, I want to be able to come home.' Damn that kid is sweet.
It reminded me that parents matter. We get caught up in so many other things in our lives; bills, job, 401(k) plans, fighting about this and that, worrying about those things over there. Sometimes we lose focus. I found this article by Kerby Anderson. It's located at http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/broken.html
Here's a quote from it:
Families are the bedrock of society. When families fall apart, society falls into social and cultural decline. Ultimately the breakdown of the American family is at the root of nearly every other social problem and pathology.
Just a few decades ago, most children in America grew up in intact, two-parent families. Today, children who do so are a minority. Illegitimacy, divorce, and other lifestyle choices have radically altered the American family, and thus have altered the social landscape.
Karl Zinsmeister of the American Enterprise Institute has said, "There is a mountain of scientific evidence showing that when families disintegrate, children often end up with intellectual, physical and emotional scars that persist for life." He continues, "We talk about the drug crisis, the education crisis, and the problem of teen pregnancy and juvenile crime. But all these ills trace back predominantly to one source: broken families."
Just a few decades ago, most children in America grew up in intact, two-parent families. Today, children who do so are a minority. Illegitimacy, divorce, and other lifestyle choices have radically altered the American family, and thus have altered the social landscape.
Karl Zinsmeister of the American Enterprise Institute has said, "There is a mountain of scientific evidence showing that when families disintegrate, children often end up with intellectual, physical and emotional scars that persist for life." He continues, "We talk about the drug crisis, the education crisis, and the problem of teen pregnancy and juvenile crime. But all these ills trace back predominantly to one source: broken families."
Recently Konnie and I have been a part of a small group that is part church affliated and part our own creation. It's part of 'Elpis Church' (see family site for details). We have decided in this group that we want to do things for people in need. Konnie had a friend that had recently been going through some difficult times and found herself alone with her 5 kids to care for. We went over, as a group, to her house to help her out with some things that needed to be done. As we worked around the house, the 5 children were checking us out and I'm sure they were wondering 'what are these people doing here'. Really beautiful kids. As a couple of us were painting the steps that led to the back yard it was getting close to nightfall and we had been there for over an hour. As we painted I heard the youngest child crying. Then I heard her broken little voice saying, 'I want my daddy.... I want my daddy.' I don't need to tell you how hard that was to hear. I don't need to tell you how a little heart cries out for it's mom or dad. I don't need to tell you because you've heard it haven't you? You know that voice and you know that cry.
So I will now cuss at you and me. Parents, it is time to get your (our) crap together. It is time for you to quit whinning about where you thought life would take you and relish the place you are now. It is time answer the cry of that little girl. When the cry comes saying 'I miss my daddy', Dads, it's time to answer with 'I'm right here honey'. Moms, when that little boy says he doesn't want to be without you he isn't kidding and it's time for you to answer, 'Baby, I'll always be here'. Nobody winds up with the marriage they thought they were getting. People change and circumstances change. But I want to challange all of you with kids to lesson your focus on yourself and increase the attention on your kids. I need to work on this and I hope that you will join me in surrounding our kids with a hedge of love that is unbreakable. I remember a line from the movie 'The Crow': 'Mother is the word for God on the lips of every child'. You matter. Your choices matter. Your lack of choices matters. Why? Because what matters the most is the impact you are and will have on these beautiful kids.
