The 'F' word

I know what you're thinking, especially those of you that may know me 'too' well. No, I'm not going to write about THE 'f' word or the art of cursing. I probably could spend some time on the matter but why abash myself more than I have already in the past? No, I have an even more important 'f' word on my mind these days. This word, in fact, is so important to me right now that I'm getting very close to saying that the entirety of the Christian faith and of your personal faith hinges on this word. This is going to be a long blog; a preachy blog. It will have the feel of a coach talking to a team at halftime that is underachieving, ignoring the playbook, fighting amongst each other and getting their butts handed to them by the other team. It is a speech that will focus on one word and one word only: Forgiveness.

I struggle with forgiveness. If you knew the level of resentment that I am capable of holding inside me towards others that I feel have either wronged me or wronged those around me, you would rightfully think a bit lower of me. This blog is part confession and part challenge and part butt chewing. I've never been very afraid of pointing out what I think are problems in the Church. Now this isn't because I think I'm above these same problems. Hardly! I readily admit to being a part of the problem and not very helpful on the solution side. When I was a pastor I would occasionally put a large mirror on the front pew just so that I could see myself; as a reminder that I was never above any sermon. I need to hear my own words at times.

Church, we have a problem.

Christians, you and I have a serious problem. As I said before I think the subject of forgiveness is so great that your very faith could hang in the balance. I have grown utterly disgusted with the level of forgiveness that you all offer each other and that I offer you. I am saddened to an equal degree to the level of forgiveness that we even offer ourselves. You see, one of my points is going to be that you simply CANNOT forgive others in a right manner if you haven't learned to forgive yourself and accept God's forgiveness for your sometimes inane behavior. We spend so much time beating ourselves up for things that we have done or said that we simply do not have the time, patience or energy to properly forgive others when they honestly seek peace and reconciliation. I'm growing sick of it. I'm growing sick of me.

I'm going to quote 2 sources: The Bible and CS Lewis. From my perspective those 2 sources should end all debate and question on this matter. If you feel the need to argue with either of them, then you may as well go hunting for purple elephants because you have officially left for crazy town. I will use 'the message' translation of the New Testament and it will read a little more 'modern' than some of you are used to.There are two great commandments in the Bible: Love God, Love People. I went to a local church near Goddard that is really growing in the city. They have a unique ministry style and worship service and recently they started a series called 'LGLP'. Love God, Love People. Granted they aren't quite as cutting edge as they think they are and they may throw their collective shoulders out patting themselves on the back, but I appreciate the heart of what they do. It's pretty much senior high camp on steroids but I think they are doing good things and they are appealing to a lot of needy people and that's never a bad thing. Anyway, during the message kicking off this series this verse was quoted: Matthew 22: 36-40

Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them."

Everything hangs from them. But when you hang something it has to have a base, a foundation. Hang a picture on a wall and you will usually want to find a stud to anchor that picture to and keep it from falling. In my opinion, forgiveness is that stud, that anchor on which the pegs of love God, love people hang from. If you do not have forgiveness as your anchor, then the 2 great 'pegs' of the law will fall and not be able to withstand any weight.
I don't think Jesus could be any clearer than He was about how important forgiveness is. I Mark he says,

"That's why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you'll get God's everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it's not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive—only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins."

Did you catch that? ONLY then will your heavenly Father be incline to also wipe your slate clean of sins. If you can't forgive someone, then your very soul is on the line; it's that big of a deal.
Is there a limit to forgiveness? Hardly! The words limit and forgiveness are incongruous. In Matthew 18 is this exchange between Jesus and his disciples:

"Take this most seriously: A yes on earth is yes in heaven; a no on earth is no in heaven. What you say to one another is eternal. I mean this. When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I'll be there."At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?"Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven."

People, I cannot express how sick I am of a church, a people, myself, that simply have chosen to read every book under the sun about peace, love, church growth, temperance, addiction, 5 step plans, 10 step plans, 12 step plans, etc. I was in 'Barnes and Nobles' the other day with my friend Seth and we were standing in the 'Christianity' section. Right next to it was the 'self help' section and next to that was the 'psychology' section. I almost passed out trying to quickly take in all the titles of books that had 'the answers'. The answers to what? Well, I guess the answers on being happy, content, free from addiction, free from sin, free from hate, free from food, free from love, free from self responsibility, free from dogma... free, free, free, free! Do you realize that until you learn the art and power of forgiveness you will be free from NOTHING! Self hate, self loathing and self abuse are at the core of why people want to read books that seek to 'free you'. Want to know how important forgiveness is? What was is that Jesus had to do in order to bridge the gap our sins had made with God? He had to DIE! And before that, be beaten to a bloody pulp by so called 'religious people and leaders'. That's how important it was and is. You must forgive each other and you must forgive yourself.

CS Lewis' thoughts on forgiveness have always blown me away. No one wrote like Lewis on matters of faith. Read these quotes..... I said READ them. Drink them in with every bit of your spiteful little souls. :-) This is long but it is so important for all of us to 'get it' and 'get it' right now. You are killing yourselves and each other with the stealth blows of resentment and bitterness.

"…If you don’t forgive you will not be forgiven. No part of His teaching is clearer, and there are no exceptions to it. He doesn’t say that we are to forgive other people’s sins provided they are not too frightful, or provided there are extenuating circumstances, or anything of that sort. We are to forgive them all, however spiteful, however mean, however often they are repeated. If we don’t, we shall be forgiven none of our own…"I find that when I think I am asking God to forgive me I am often…asking Him to do something quite different. I am asking Him not to forgive me but to excuse me. But there is all the difference in the world between forgiving and excusing. Forgiveness says, ‘Yes, you have done this thing, but I accept your apology; I will never hold it against you and everything between us will be exactly as it was before.’ But excusing says, ‘I see that you couldn’t help it or didn’t mean it; you weren’t really to blame.’ If one was not really to blame then there is nothing to forgive… what we call ‘asking God’s forgiveness’ very often really consists in asking God to accept our excuses… We are so very anxious to point these [‘extenuating circumstances’] out to God (and to ourselves) that we are apt to forget the really important thing; that is, the bit left over, the bit which the excuses don’t cover, the bit which is inexcusable but not, thank God, unforgivable. And if we forget this, we shall go away imagining that we have repented and been forgiven when all that has really happened is that we have satisfied ourselves with our own excuses…
"Real forgiveness means looking steadily at the sin, the sin that is left over without any excuse, after all allowances have been made, and seeing it in all its horror, dirt, meanness, and malice, and nevertheless being wholly reconciled to the man who has done it. That, and only that, is forgiveness, and that we can always have from God if we ask for it."When it comes to a question of our forgiving other people…here also, forgiving does not mean excusing. Many people…think that if you ask them to forgive someone who has cheated or bullied them you are trying to make out that there was really no cheating or no bullying. But if that were so, there would be nothing to forgive. They keep on replying, ‘But I tell you the man broke a most solemn promise.’ Exactly: that is precisely what you have to forgive. (This doesn’t mean that you must necessarily believe his next promise. It does mean that you must make every effort to kill every taste of resentment in your own heart—every wish to humiliate or hurt him or to pay him out.)… In our own case we accept excuses too easily; in other people’s we do not accept them easily enough… To excuse what can really produce good excuses is not Christian charity; it is only fairness. To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."This is hard. It is perhaps not so hard to forgive a single great injury. But to forgive the incessant provocations of daily life—to keep on forgiving the bossy mother-in-law, the bullying husband, the nagging wife, the selfish daughter, the deceitful son—how can we do it? Only, I think, by remembering where we stand, by meaning our words when we say in our prayers each night, ‘forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us.’ We are offered forgiveness on no other terms. To refuse it is to refuse God’s mercy for ourselves. There is no hint of exceptions, and God means what He says."

Tell me that doesn't hit the nail on it's narrow, little head. 'To be a CHRISTIAN means to FORGIVE the INEXCUSABLE' Why? 'Because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you'. Dear Lord in heaven people can you possibly wrap your judgemental, little, tractable minds around that concept? Can I? I am so mean to people that I find serious fault with. I mean, if it were up to me the Carr brothers from Wichita that murdered 5 people several years ago would be dead like yesterday. If it were up to me the girls that beat their friend and video tapped it for youtube would never see freedom again until they were about 40. You don't even want to know the crap I can't forgive myself for.

There are two sentences that as I read the words of Jesus, will be said on the day of judgement: 'Well done good and faithful servant' or 'Depart from me, I never knew you'. What are the odds of us hearing 'well done' when we harbor such feelings towards others? I'm all for justice and consequences. So, when I speak of the unspeakable horrors of the Carr brothers I'm not saying they walk free and clear simply because they want forgiveness. No, they have a price to pay for the evil they unleashed on this town a few years ago. But am I allowed to hate them? Am I allowed to remind them of their crimes daily and pretend that I am sinless? I'm afraid not.
Is it not amazing that Jesus suffered and died so that we might have the freedom that forgiveness gives? Is it not more amazing that we mock it, misuse it and abuse it? To forgive is to live. I know that sounds like Johnnie Cochran but it's true. It is truly amazing that sinful little worms like us are offered the chance to be 'right' with a Perfect God. A God that so loves us that he suffered all and lost all so that your sins could be forgiven. And you're telling me that you are going to put conditions on forgiving others or yourself?

This is a big deal to me right now. I don't care about light shows, children's programs, catchy road signs, 5 year plans, the new carpet in the hallway.... I care about forgiveness and how that relates to loving God and loving people. If this has found you in a bad place, I hope it helps you out of that place. If this offends you, forgive me. :-)
Believe me, you haven't been so wronged by someone that you can't offer them the same grace, love and forgiveness that God offers you. Granted some injuries are so painful that it may literally take a life time to forgive the deed and the person, but take heart, God is right there with you and has already worked it out. Give it to Him and learn how to truly live free.